Feedback for Lex

[Lex]

Hey guys! I'd love to hear some feedback on my series Shadow Stalker which i've been writing for over a year now! ;D Please just tell me your thoughts, all links to my episodes can be found in the Episode Index Thread! Thanks guys and enjoy!

[Deleted]

Episode 1.01-Hitch Hiker
I thought it was very well written and you introduced the new characters very well while, at the same time, giving a new spin to the ones we already met. The return of Glory was a big surprise, but then to see her as the First? Even bigger shock. I can't wait to see how things develop from here.

It was a little hard for me to keep track of what the setting was, with all that jumping around, especially with regard to when the scene was taking place. I don't know if that's because of the script-style writing, or if I wasn't giving it 100%, or something else.

And, extra props for using a Hilary Duff song in the ep!

I can't wait to read episode 2.

[Lex]

Thanks so much Marie! Glad you enjoyed it

Basically most of the episode is set on the night of "Tabula Rasa", but there are flashbacks to before that. In the beginning bit of every episode i've written at the top that Season One starts amidst Season 6 of Buffy and Season 3 of Angel. Unlike most other spin offs, i decided to show what would happen to the dragon up until the end of Buffy/Angel and then beyond There's a few crossovers with actual Buffy events as well which were fun to write.

I hope you continue to enjoy them though honey! Thanks again for reading xx

[Deleted]

Episode 1.02-Mockingbirds

This episode was much easier for me to get into. It had fresh faces, advanced the plot, intrigue, delved into Charlie's past a bit which I'm very interested in, etc. All the makings of great reading.

I got the connection to "Tabula Rasa" in the first episode, but I think it's just because I'm not used to reading fics written in script form, so it was hard for me to catch the parts where it said "Two Weeks Ago" or whatnot. I'm sure the more I read the script-style writing, the easier it will be to catch that kind of stuff.

I'm very interested in finding out more about Charlie's (well, I should say I'm assuming it's Charlie in her dreams) past. I already think I know the real reason for the Onyx Tonic.

Great reading yet again, Lex!

[Lex]

I agree Marie I prefer 1.02 to 1.01, but i needed that episode to start the series. Thinking about it again, i could have just made the opening episode a double parter or an extended episode like 2.09 is!

I'm glad you liked this episode and enjoyed the dreams, they become just key to the whole series, and i'm pleased you think you've figured out what Onyx Tonic is for. If you like that in particular, i think you'll like 1.09!

So pleased you're reading honey, i really am

[buffymanic]

Episode 1.01

first of all I like your writing style, its very visual and I find it easy to picture the scence as I'm read so that helps

The whole concept of taking a tiny element from the show and creating a series around it is fantastic and very original, there are thousands of spin off on the internet but you can gaurentee that none of them include the dragon and especially not in human form.

I really like the new character, very different from any others in the verse and I think they were developed very easily, it already feels like I know Xakiel and Charlie is coming along nicely. I bet Rack was fun to write because he's so abstract

looking forward to reading some more


Episode 1.02

Absolutely fantastic! Charlies backstory is just going to be endlessly facinating plus the dream sequences were very well written, probably my favorite part of the episode.

I think Cate is going to be an interesting character but I don't feel much of a connection towards her yet, her diologue seemed a little forced but I think it can just be like that sometimes when you intro a new character.

I think I know the reason for her addiction too so I can't wait to get to 1:09

[Lex]

Tash! Firstly, thanks so much for reading! Secondly, i'm so pleased you enjoy it! I'll address both episodes separately!

1.01 -
I'm pleased you liked the concept, i always found it the most exciting part of SS and it will always be addressed in SS that that's where Xak comes from

Rack is immensely fun to write but with Charlie introduced as his daughter i really wanted to give him a human side that we never saw. He's also a father as well as a sleaze I think Glory/The First picks up on it in a later episode too!

I'm sooooo pleased you can find this very short opening episode visual, i always try to picture scenes when i write them and hope they come across well and clearly they do so yay!


1.02 -
Again, i wish i could have opened with this episode, i love it so much. I loved writing Charlie in this episode and i'm so chuffed you liked the dream sequences

Cate is very interesting to write for as she changes so much. She probably is a bit forced, i really wanted to get across the bimbo-ness behind her past and i probably went a bit extreme but a lot of people say she's their favourite character in Shadow Stalker so i hope you feel the same later in the series


Again thanks so much for reading!

[Paul]

this is really good, ive only read hitch hiker so far but im definately gonna be reading them all, i really like you writing style too i agree with tash very visual, nothing negative so far, think im gonna love this series

[Deleted]

buffymanic said:

The whole concept of taking a tiny element from the show and creating a series around it is fantastic and very original, there are thousands of spin off on the internet but you can gaurentee that none of them include the dragon and especially not in human form.

I totally agree. It's such a minute little detail, but when you think about it, we never do find out what happens to it. We never see it get dragged into the portal again, or killed, or the such, so it's great that you were able to be attracted to that little piece and come up with your own thoughts about it. It's a great premise.

EDIT:

Episode 1.03-In This Skin

I thought the introduction of Toole was nice. The very end of the teaser was certainly intriguing, as was the Cate/Rack interaction. And I'm interested to see who Charlie ran into in the alley.

Very well written, especially Gnarl. It advanced things nicely. It wasn't quite as action-packed and intriguing as the second episode, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I was still very involved in it and can't wait to see what happens next!

EDIT:

Episode 1.04-Sticks and Stones

Very good! I liked the reappearance of Teeth and how he played a part in what was going on with Charlie. I'm not really feeling the shipping love that everyone claims is Xak/Charlie--at least not yet--but I do want her to tell him the truth--all of it, finally--and get back to doing what they do, even if I haven't figured out exactly what that is.

I thought the Toole/Cate dialogue was a bit forced, but it is nice that all four of them now know all the others in their little ragtag bunch.

It was much easier for me to follow all the flashbacks this time. I don't know if it's because they were labeled better or if it's because I had already "seen" the flashbacks (or parts of them) in earlier episodes.

This episode didn't leave me with that on-the-edge-of-my-seat feeling, but I do really want Xak/Charlie to make up and go back to being friends, so it does leave me wanting something.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

buffymanic said:

The whole concept of taking a tiny element from the show and creating a series around it is fantastic and very original, there are thousands of spin off on the internet but you can gaurentee that none of them include the dragon and especially not in human form.

I totally agree. It's such a minute little detail, but when you think about it, we never do find out what happens to it. We never see it get dragged into the portal again, or killed, or the such, so it's great that you were able to be attracted to that little piece and come up with your own thoughts about it. It's a great premise.

EDIT:

Episode 1.03-In This Skin

I thought the introduction of Toole was nice. The very end of the teaser was certainly intriguing, as was the Cate/Rack interaction. And I'm interested to see who Charlie ran into in the alley.

Very well written, especially Gnarl. It advanced things nicely. It wasn't quite as action-packed and intriguing as the second episode, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I was still very involved in it and can't wait to see what happens next!

EDIT:

Episode 1.04-Sticks and Stones

Very good! I liked the reappearance of Teeth and how he played a part in what was going on with Charlie. I'm not really feeling the shipping love that everyone claims is Xak/Charlie--at least not yet--but I do want her to tell him the truth--all of it, finally--and get back to doing what they do, even if I haven't figured out exactly what that is.

I thought the Toole/Cate dialogue was a bit forced, but it is nice that all four of them now know all the others in their little ragtag bunch.

It was much easier for me to follow all the flashbacks this time. I don't know if it's because they were labeled better or if it's because I had already "seen" the flashbacks (or parts of them) in earlier episodes.

This episode didn't leave me with that on-the-edge-of-my-seat feeling, but I do really want Xak/Charlie to make up and go back to being friends, so it does leave me wanting something.

Personally i feel those two episodes are my weakest.

I really needed 1.03 to introduce Toole but also to try and progress Xak and Charlie's relationship a bit more. They go through so much more in the series which helps define their relationship more which is something i hope you'll come to realise in the later episodes

I wanted this episode to try and define that although Charlie needs him, for protection and love, he also needs her, without her he's alone. This of course becomes more apparent when she lets him down with her lies in 1.04. It's hard for him to deal with it, he doesn't see why anyone would want to hurt themselves and get them in so much trouble like she does when trouble finds people anyways.

In regards to Cate and Toole, i think some of the stuff about them being forced i would agree with. I don't think their meeting was but i think perhaps divulging so much information to one another perhaps could be described as forced. You'll soon see though that what they've actually told eachother is actually a MEGA diluted version of the truth and in fact goes so much deeper than that.

I'm glad you liked Teeth and Gnarl, they were difficult to write and started to make me realise that bringing Buffyverse characters into SS was actually more difficult than i had originally anticipated. I don't do it so much in the later episodes ha!

I hope you keep reading though honey, these earlier episodes do have their flaws, grammar/length/character interaction. It was just me starting out last year but i've learnt a lot from Season One and the later episodes are indeed a lot better, (as people have told me) than the earlier episodes! I think it was 1.05 onwards that made me realise this.

Thanks again for reading Marie and i hope you keep reading

[Deleted]

Episode 1.05-Jingle Hell

Certainly better than the last two, I thought, not that the last two were horribly awful. Nothing seemed forced. Rather suspensful. I liked Xak and Charlie making up. I was really hoping Xak would take Rack down a notch or two.

It'll take more than a weak episode or two to stop me from reading.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

Episode 1.05-Jingle Hell

Certainly better than the last two, I thought, not that the last two were horribly awful. Nothing seemed forced. Rather suspensful. I liked Xak and Charlie making up. I was really hoping Xak would take Rack down a notch or two.

It'll take more than a weak episode or two to stop me from reading.

I'm pleased! I liked 1.05, i think the episodes started improving from then on in! Definately the length starts improving and as i start going into the characters backgrounds that's when it gets better as you get to know much more about them, especially in 1.06 and 1.07.

Glad to hear you're already on 1.05 though hon!! Good stuff!

[Deleted]

Episode 1.06 - The Rule of Toole

I really, really liked this episode and that it focused on Toole. It was certainly interesting that you have them growing up in the Summers' home. I'm a little more interested in Melody's involvement in all this. I'm a bit confused, though, about the Evil Willow flashback.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

Episode 1.06 - The Rule of Toole

I really, really liked this episode and that it focused on Toole. It was certainly interesting that you have them growing up in the Summers' home. I'm a little more interested in Melody's involvement in all this. I'm a bit confused, though, about the Evil Willow flashback.

Glad you liked Toole's flashbacks, i thought it would be kinda cool if they grew up in Buffy's house as we never really find out if anyone lived there before she trashed it most nights.

Glad you like Melody's involvement. It all comes to a head in 1.07!

That evil willow flashback just indicated that when "Doppelgangland" was on, and Evil Willow beat up Percy in The Bronze...Toole and Lance were there. Having a conversation and in Toole's case, he was working there that night.

[Deleted]

Ohhhhhh. It cut us back to "Dopplegangland." I was trying to place it in season 6, since you said evil Willow, and it just wasn't working for me. But I'm there now.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

Ohhhhhh. It cut us back to "Dopplegangland." I was trying to place it in season 6, since you said evil Willow, and it just wasn't working for me. But I'm there now.

Ohhhh i see why you were confused sugar I call Vampire Willow: Evil Willow...and Season 6 Willow: Dark Willow! Glad that's sorted though Thanks for reading again!

[Deleted]

Episode 1.07-Clique

I liked it. Cate's secret is certainly turning out to be more interesting than I originally thought, so I can't wait to see what's revealed about it next. It was a bit of a weird episode. I don't know if the way Cate's secret was revealed is what bothers me, or what, there just seemed to be something off about it. Or maybe it was the incredible amount of grammar mistakes. Yep, that could have been it. Honestly, though, I really liked reading it.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

Episode 1.07-Clique

I liked it. Cate's secret is certainly turning out to be more interesting than I originally thought, so I can't wait to see what's revealed about it next. It was a bit of a weird episode. I don't know if the way Cate's secret was revealed is what bothers me, or what, there just seemed to be something off about it. Or maybe it was the incredible amount of grammar mistakes. Yep, that could have been it. Honestly, though, I really liked reading it.

Lol, doesn't sound like it. That upset me a bit, i do like reading feedback but not of it seems to be always negative and not constructive. My grammar is good, i got an A in English and in Season One i didn't have an editor and rarely read through it before posting but a lot of people told me this was their favourite episode, close friends who aren't afraid to tell me what they truly think. I do spend a lot of time on Shadow Stalker, and in my second season i do have an editor to help work out the kinks on that sort of stuff. I'm sorry it's not up to your expectations though, and you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry to have hurt you, Lex. That really wasn't my intention, but after re-reading my post I can see how you were hurt. I do honestly like the episode and am very interested in reading the next one. I was certainly not trying to undermine your education or writing ability. I will work harder in the future to make sure my feedback is written in a constructive way and try to keep it related to the series itself. However, I would understand if you would prefer I no longer leave feedback for you.

Episode 1.08-To Have and To Hold

I really liked how this followed so well on the heels of the last episode, in terms of storyline and everything. I liked the way the story was told in terms of couples, each dealing with the events in their own way. However, I have to say, because I still see those characters largely as friends still, that my favorite aspect of the episode was the mystical/mystery/Lance and Melody/etc. part. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Charlie, Xak, Toole, and Cate, but I can't feel them as coupled off quite yet.

I just really loved how you were able to fit in the crossover with RR and let it flow right into the storyline. I wasn't sure how it would work, since the two series take place in very different times and places, but I think it worked wonderfully. You guys made it just fit right into what was already happening and didn't miss a beat. And that's what really drew me to this episode--how you were able to just keep going after the crossover and continue the storyline and make it feel so natural.

[Lex]

haffner280 said:

I'm sorry to have hurt you, Lex. That really wasn't my intention, but after re-reading my post I can see how you were hurt. I do honestly like the episode and am very interested in reading the next one. I was certainly not trying to undermine your education or writing ability. I will work harder in the future to make sure my feedback is written in a constructive way and try to keep it related to the series itself. However, I would understand if you would prefer I no longer leave feedback for you.

Episode 1.08-To Have and To Hold

I really liked how this followed so well on the heels of the last episode, in terms of storyline and everything. I liked the way the story was told in terms of couples, each dealing with the events in their own way. However, I have to say, because I still see those characters largely as friends still, that my favorite aspect of the episode was the mystical/mystery/Lance and Melody/etc. part. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love Charlie, Xak, Toole, and Cate, but I can't feel them as coupled off quite yet.

I just really loved how you were able to fit in the crossover with RR and let it flow right into the storyline. I wasn't sure how it would work, since the two series take place in very different times and places, but I think it worked wonderfully. You guys made it just fit right into what was already happening and didn't miss a beat. And that's what really drew me to this episode--how you were able to just keep going after the crossover and continue the storyline and make it feel so natural.

It's ok Marie. All I'd ask people is to be tasteful and constructive with criticism and feedback. If you don't like something, tell me why and how I can improve as seriously I take all feedback on board. That's why I get upset when it seems a bit personal. But I'm fine now

I'm so pleased you enjoyed 1.08. Of course it's too soon to fully appreciate at this stage Xarlie and Coole as couples as it is too soon. I think both the couples just understand one another so well that they've gotten so close. Also bear in mind, each episode has a week/few weeks in between it, so by this stage in Season One, sixth months has almost passed.

I hope you enjoy the finale 7 episodes as much as you enjoyed the first 8.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT SEASON ONE OF SHADOW STALKER

Because of the spelling mistakes/grammar in some of the earlier episodes and the short length of some of the earlier episodes as well, i spent this week lengthening and editing the episodes with my editor. The re-written/re-edited Season One will be up next week.

Also on KAX i will be posting Season Two!

Keep reading peeps! Love ya long time!