Post by Casi on Mar 21, 2007 2:15:11 GMT 10
Title: Not Like Us
Rating: G
Summary: Buffy talks to Giles about Ben's death
Disclaimer: All belongs to Lord God Joss
Author's notes: Another Challenge response. This one was to write a scene that we never got to see on screen but that could have been pivitol.
Award: Second Place
Buffy sat in silence. She’d managed to stay focused most of the day but it still felt so very forced. And sometimes, like now, the task of existing was just too much. Those were the moments when her friends would see her staring into nothingness…her jaw set in a hard line. More than once, the same look passed between Willow and Xander as they covertly watched her. It was the look that asked quite bluntly if they were still sure they’d done the right thing. Bringing her back had seemed like their only option. Now, they wondered if they’d been too hasty.
At this moment, however, Buffy was blissfully alone. Being alone meant she no longer had to try quite so hard to be “okay.” She just had to be, and that was enough. She concentrated on her breathing, as if to prove to herself she was actually doing it.
“In…two…three…four…” The room was so very dark.
“Out…two…three…four…” Perhaps she was falling asleep?
“In…two…three…four…” Maybe this time she would wake to find this had all been a bad dream.
“Out…two…three…four…” Maybe she wouldn’t wake at all.
“Buffy?” Giles said quietly.
Buffy started violently, nearly falling off the edge of her bed. When had it gotten so dark? How long had she sat there? She wasn’t sure, and that fact was more than a little frightening. But she couldn’t let that show. She had to be okay. She forced on the smile she had worn so much lately. It felt fake even to her, but it would have to do. With luck, no one would notice, and, since they hadn’t yet, Buffy hoped it would be enough.
“Giles…” she said, attempting to sound nothing more than pleasantly surprised, but barely managing to come across as tired. “I’m sorry…I-I guess I must have spaced out there for a minute.”
“Buffy,” he said again, taking a slow step towards her.
“Really,” Buffy said, hurriedly rising to her feet. “I’ve just been tired. I’m fine.”
Giles moved slowly into the room and sat on the bed. The room was dark, but Buffy knew he wasn’t looking at her. The dim light of the hallway cast its glow just far enough to illuminate his profile as he rested his elbows on his knees and gazed at the floor.
“Buffy, please sit down. I’d like to talk to you,” he said gently.
Buffy sat with a growing sense of trepidation. She felt very much like a wild animal being backed into a corner, and she did not care for the sensation at all. For a long time, she simply sat there, observing him warily.
“I wish I could have known you as a little girl,” he said suddenly into the silence. Buffy didn’t know what to say. Of all the things she had been suspecting he might say, this wasn’t one of them. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to require a response.
“The Council decided I was unfit to be your Watcher because I had a father’s love for you.” There was a note of bitterness in his voice that Buffy understood all too well. “There are certain bonds that only a paternal relationship can form,” he stated rather matter-of-factly. “And they were right, for what it’s worth. And like any parent, I took such pride in watching you grow.” His already prominent British inflection deepened in a way Buffy seldom heard. The last time she could remember Giles expressing such emotion was after Jenny had died.
“What you did…for all of us…” He continued, raising his eyes to meet hers in the half light, “I’ve never felt so proud in my entire life.”
The statement hung between them like a fog. Buffy wasn’t sure how to feel. Feeling in general was so difficult these days as it was, particularly since Giles had come back. As the moments dragged by in silence, Buffy understood what he was trying to say. Everyone had been avoiding the subject so completely. But Giles, her Watcher…her teacher…and yes, she supposed he was her father too…he was proud. He understood her sacrifice, and that simple knowledge was like a balm on wounds that could not heal.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“I know it’s hard on you right now,” Giles soldiered on, seemingly relieved by her response. “But it will get better in time. That much I know.”
“Do you?” Buffy asked, a small crack in her voice. Something had changed. She wasn’t sure what, but she could feel it. “Maybe it’s not supposed to.”
“Buffy,” Giles began, clearly scenting danger.
“It’s just, I can’t stop thinking about something Angel said…to Faith. He said there was this power, in the ability to take a life, feeling a whole future just cut off by your own hands. When I jumped, I knew what he meant. And I knew what Spike meant…I understood.” Buffy rose restlessly and moved deeper into the shadows of the room. “Now, I don’t understand anything.”
“Believe it or not,” Giles said, making a brave attempt to inject a bit of lightness into his tone, “I do know what you mean.”
“Ben,” Buffy said simply.
Giles was a little taken aback. For a moment, he couldn’t think of an adequate response. “Willow told you, I suppose,” he said at last.
Buffy’s shadowy figure nodded minutely. “When I first got back…once everything had settled…I asked about Glory.”
“Yes…well…” Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them absent mindedly. “It had to be done.”
“I know,” Buffy said with a small, resigned sight. “I didn’t then, but I do now.” She looked over her shoulder at him. “You did what I couldn’t.” Her tone had become brisk and businesslike.
“The others seem to think I was a bit…rash,” he said simply, trying not to sound childish. It was hard, sometimes, to forget how they had looked at him when he’d told them what he’d done. Such accusations… It was hard to forget how large a part those looks had played in his decision to leave.
“They’ll never understand,” Buffy said quietly, almost sympathetically, as she if she had read his thoughts. She moved gracefully to the door, the hall light framing her as she turned back to him…the man who had been her father for so long. “They’re not like us,” she said with finality.
Buffy drifted out into the hall and left Giles alone in the darkness, so he might mourn the loss of yet another innocent in private.
Rating: G
Summary: Buffy talks to Giles about Ben's death
Disclaimer: All belongs to Lord God Joss
Author's notes: Another Challenge response. This one was to write a scene that we never got to see on screen but that could have been pivitol.
Award: Second Place
Buffy sat in silence. She’d managed to stay focused most of the day but it still felt so very forced. And sometimes, like now, the task of existing was just too much. Those were the moments when her friends would see her staring into nothingness…her jaw set in a hard line. More than once, the same look passed between Willow and Xander as they covertly watched her. It was the look that asked quite bluntly if they were still sure they’d done the right thing. Bringing her back had seemed like their only option. Now, they wondered if they’d been too hasty.
At this moment, however, Buffy was blissfully alone. Being alone meant she no longer had to try quite so hard to be “okay.” She just had to be, and that was enough. She concentrated on her breathing, as if to prove to herself she was actually doing it.
“In…two…three…four…” The room was so very dark.
“Out…two…three…four…” Perhaps she was falling asleep?
“In…two…three…four…” Maybe this time she would wake to find this had all been a bad dream.
“Out…two…three…four…” Maybe she wouldn’t wake at all.
“Buffy?” Giles said quietly.
Buffy started violently, nearly falling off the edge of her bed. When had it gotten so dark? How long had she sat there? She wasn’t sure, and that fact was more than a little frightening. But she couldn’t let that show. She had to be okay. She forced on the smile she had worn so much lately. It felt fake even to her, but it would have to do. With luck, no one would notice, and, since they hadn’t yet, Buffy hoped it would be enough.
“Giles…” she said, attempting to sound nothing more than pleasantly surprised, but barely managing to come across as tired. “I’m sorry…I-I guess I must have spaced out there for a minute.”
“Buffy,” he said again, taking a slow step towards her.
“Really,” Buffy said, hurriedly rising to her feet. “I’ve just been tired. I’m fine.”
Giles moved slowly into the room and sat on the bed. The room was dark, but Buffy knew he wasn’t looking at her. The dim light of the hallway cast its glow just far enough to illuminate his profile as he rested his elbows on his knees and gazed at the floor.
“Buffy, please sit down. I’d like to talk to you,” he said gently.
Buffy sat with a growing sense of trepidation. She felt very much like a wild animal being backed into a corner, and she did not care for the sensation at all. For a long time, she simply sat there, observing him warily.
“I wish I could have known you as a little girl,” he said suddenly into the silence. Buffy didn’t know what to say. Of all the things she had been suspecting he might say, this wasn’t one of them. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to require a response.
“The Council decided I was unfit to be your Watcher because I had a father’s love for you.” There was a note of bitterness in his voice that Buffy understood all too well. “There are certain bonds that only a paternal relationship can form,” he stated rather matter-of-factly. “And they were right, for what it’s worth. And like any parent, I took such pride in watching you grow.” His already prominent British inflection deepened in a way Buffy seldom heard. The last time she could remember Giles expressing such emotion was after Jenny had died.
“What you did…for all of us…” He continued, raising his eyes to meet hers in the half light, “I’ve never felt so proud in my entire life.”
The statement hung between them like a fog. Buffy wasn’t sure how to feel. Feeling in general was so difficult these days as it was, particularly since Giles had come back. As the moments dragged by in silence, Buffy understood what he was trying to say. Everyone had been avoiding the subject so completely. But Giles, her Watcher…her teacher…and yes, she supposed he was her father too…he was proud. He understood her sacrifice, and that simple knowledge was like a balm on wounds that could not heal.
“Thank you,” she said quietly.
“I know it’s hard on you right now,” Giles soldiered on, seemingly relieved by her response. “But it will get better in time. That much I know.”
“Do you?” Buffy asked, a small crack in her voice. Something had changed. She wasn’t sure what, but she could feel it. “Maybe it’s not supposed to.”
“Buffy,” Giles began, clearly scenting danger.
“It’s just, I can’t stop thinking about something Angel said…to Faith. He said there was this power, in the ability to take a life, feeling a whole future just cut off by your own hands. When I jumped, I knew what he meant. And I knew what Spike meant…I understood.” Buffy rose restlessly and moved deeper into the shadows of the room. “Now, I don’t understand anything.”
“Believe it or not,” Giles said, making a brave attempt to inject a bit of lightness into his tone, “I do know what you mean.”
“Ben,” Buffy said simply.
Giles was a little taken aback. For a moment, he couldn’t think of an adequate response. “Willow told you, I suppose,” he said at last.
Buffy’s shadowy figure nodded minutely. “When I first got back…once everything had settled…I asked about Glory.”
“Yes…well…” Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them absent mindedly. “It had to be done.”
“I know,” Buffy said with a small, resigned sight. “I didn’t then, but I do now.” She looked over her shoulder at him. “You did what I couldn’t.” Her tone had become brisk and businesslike.
“The others seem to think I was a bit…rash,” he said simply, trying not to sound childish. It was hard, sometimes, to forget how they had looked at him when he’d told them what he’d done. Such accusations… It was hard to forget how large a part those looks had played in his decision to leave.
“They’ll never understand,” Buffy said quietly, almost sympathetically, as she if she had read his thoughts. She moved gracefully to the door, the hall light framing her as she turned back to him…the man who had been her father for so long. “They’re not like us,” she said with finality.
Buffy drifted out into the hall and left Giles alone in the darkness, so he might mourn the loss of yet another innocent in private.