Post by Casi on Jun 7, 2007 12:36:38 GMT 10
Title: Day 87
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Joss is my master. He owns all.
Synopsis: How long was I gone?
147 days yesterday...148 today
Spike sat in silence, his back pressed against the tombstone’s cold side. He had brought a bouquet of flowers. Every couple of days he felt the need to bring her something other than himself. They were dirty and mismatched, as though he had plucked them from yards and gardens on his way to the cemetery. The hand that held them shook. The bottle of Jack Daniels he held in his other hand was already half empty, but there was hardly anything strange about that.
“I know you’re not there,” he said quietly. “I, of all people, should know that’s not how it works. But I just keep comin’ back, don’t I?” He took a hearty swig from his bottle.
“Almost at the three month mark, Pet,” he continued in a would be calm voice. He turned slightly so that he could lean his shoulder against the cold stone and look out at the rest of the graveyard. “Few more days,” his voice rose wistfully, as though he were thinking of an upcoming vacation or party. Something pleasant at any rate, but no smile graced his features. Instead, he blinked furiously, forestalling the break of emotion which he knew would come.
With a trembling hand, Spike placed the flowers on the corner of stone before him. Raising his fingers, he traced the engraving of her name. Buffy Anne Summers. He did not crane his neck around to see them. He’d seen them so many times; it was enough to feel them there.
A sound somewhere between a sob and an expression of his own self loathing escaped his throat and he brought his hand hurriedly to cover his face. His whole body shook.
Finally, with a brave attempt at casualness, Spike cleared his throat and rubbed his hand across his eyes.
“Red’s fixed the ol’ bot pretty good. She says it’s important we keep all this secret. Says it’ll help Dawn get through school…and…” And at last, he gave up the ghost and let the emotion win. “And i’s just so hard, Luv. She walks around all day and no one out there realizes it isn’t you. But to see you walk in the room, and know i’s not you…is never gonna be you again…I can’t bear it, Buffy, I jus’ can’t.”
Spike leaned his head against the tombstone and shut his eyes with a grimace. Something of an angry growl erupted from him, and he swung his legs back around, once more pressing his back against the cool stone. But a floodgate, it seemed, had been opened, and Spike could not stop even if he’d wanted to.
“When Dru left me,” he said, his voice taking on a clipped, slightly more cynical tone, “I just wanted it over, ya know? I felt like my life was over. But now…now…” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “Not it’s like my life is still going, but it has nowhere to go. But I can’t leave…or take a nice walk in the sun or anything.” His voice softened. “Because I promised you. I said I’d look after her and I will.” He pressed the fingers and thumb of his free hand into his eyes and took another swing of Jack. “I’ll look after that girl till I’m dust.” He choked on his words but forced himself to go on, hitting the back of his head against the stone. “It’s what you wanted. It’s what you wanted from me.”
For a long time, Spike sat in silence, with his head resting against Buffy’s tombstone. Every so often, he would raise the bottle to his lips and take a healthy drink. When at last the bottle was empty, he stood and took a few steps so that he might look down at her grave.
The flowers he had brought might have been pretty, but, to him,
they looked out of place. But that’s how it had always been for him in her life, and he supposed it was best this way. A thought rose slowly to the forefront of his mind and a ghost of a smile crossed his face. Slowly, he bent down and extracted a single flower…a daffodil. He put his hand on the smooth stone.
“I know you would have wanted this too,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Luv.” With a nod of farewell, he stood and turned his back. Sighing with the whole of his weary heart, he turned his steps towards Joyce’s grave.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Joss is my master. He owns all.
Synopsis: How long was I gone?
147 days yesterday...148 today
Spike sat in silence, his back pressed against the tombstone’s cold side. He had brought a bouquet of flowers. Every couple of days he felt the need to bring her something other than himself. They were dirty and mismatched, as though he had plucked them from yards and gardens on his way to the cemetery. The hand that held them shook. The bottle of Jack Daniels he held in his other hand was already half empty, but there was hardly anything strange about that.
“I know you’re not there,” he said quietly. “I, of all people, should know that’s not how it works. But I just keep comin’ back, don’t I?” He took a hearty swig from his bottle.
“Almost at the three month mark, Pet,” he continued in a would be calm voice. He turned slightly so that he could lean his shoulder against the cold stone and look out at the rest of the graveyard. “Few more days,” his voice rose wistfully, as though he were thinking of an upcoming vacation or party. Something pleasant at any rate, but no smile graced his features. Instead, he blinked furiously, forestalling the break of emotion which he knew would come.
With a trembling hand, Spike placed the flowers on the corner of stone before him. Raising his fingers, he traced the engraving of her name. Buffy Anne Summers. He did not crane his neck around to see them. He’d seen them so many times; it was enough to feel them there.
A sound somewhere between a sob and an expression of his own self loathing escaped his throat and he brought his hand hurriedly to cover his face. His whole body shook.
Finally, with a brave attempt at casualness, Spike cleared his throat and rubbed his hand across his eyes.
“Red’s fixed the ol’ bot pretty good. She says it’s important we keep all this secret. Says it’ll help Dawn get through school…and…” And at last, he gave up the ghost and let the emotion win. “And i’s just so hard, Luv. She walks around all day and no one out there realizes it isn’t you. But to see you walk in the room, and know i’s not you…is never gonna be you again…I can’t bear it, Buffy, I jus’ can’t.”
Spike leaned his head against the tombstone and shut his eyes with a grimace. Something of an angry growl erupted from him, and he swung his legs back around, once more pressing his back against the cool stone. But a floodgate, it seemed, had been opened, and Spike could not stop even if he’d wanted to.
“When Dru left me,” he said, his voice taking on a clipped, slightly more cynical tone, “I just wanted it over, ya know? I felt like my life was over. But now…now…” he paused, gathering his thoughts. “Not it’s like my life is still going, but it has nowhere to go. But I can’t leave…or take a nice walk in the sun or anything.” His voice softened. “Because I promised you. I said I’d look after her and I will.” He pressed the fingers and thumb of his free hand into his eyes and took another swing of Jack. “I’ll look after that girl till I’m dust.” He choked on his words but forced himself to go on, hitting the back of his head against the stone. “It’s what you wanted. It’s what you wanted from me.”
For a long time, Spike sat in silence, with his head resting against Buffy’s tombstone. Every so often, he would raise the bottle to his lips and take a healthy drink. When at last the bottle was empty, he stood and took a few steps so that he might look down at her grave.
The flowers he had brought might have been pretty, but, to him,
they looked out of place. But that’s how it had always been for him in her life, and he supposed it was best this way. A thought rose slowly to the forefront of his mind and a ghost of a smile crossed his face. Slowly, he bent down and extracted a single flower…a daffodil. He put his hand on the smooth stone.
“I know you would have wanted this too,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Luv.” With a nod of farewell, he stood and turned his back. Sighing with the whole of his weary heart, he turned his steps towards Joyce’s grave.