Saviors Trilogy 1.1 Where We Belong

[shred]

Title: "Saviors Trilogy 1.1 Where We Belong"
Rating: PG
Beta: Couldn't afford one.
Author's Notes: This is set after season 7 of Buffy and it was written a loooong time ago. So I thought I share this with you guys.
Disclaimer: BtVS does not belong to me, yada, yada, yada. You know the drill.

~*~

~Europe, Italy~
~morning~

Willow tossed the last empty box aside and wiped her hands on an already soiled towel. She looped a lock of red hair behind her ear and surveyed the scene before her. Ancient tombs, manuscripts and files were scattered across the parquet floor before the witch. All of them were from Giles’s collection. He told her it was important to have a few books with them whenever they traveled so he gave her a few that he thought was important to them. ‘A few’ in Giles’ vocabulary meant a ‘few hundred’. There were too many to count. She couldn’t remember how many boxes of books she unpacked the last two hours.

“Xander! Is the shelf ready?” Willow asked, raising her voice so that Xander could hear her wherever he was. A muffle reply was heard but the words didn’t register with Willow. She dropped her towel next to a thick file and made her way carefully towards the door. “Xander? Where are you?” she called out.

“Living room!”

Willow headed out of the room and into the living room. The living room was much smaller than the one in the Summers’ home. The place was void of any furniture but was filled with the usual brown boxes. She had to cross over a few boxes – some empty and some brimming to the top with contents – in order to reach Xander.

“Xander?” Her best friend’s head popped up from behind a bookcase. He had a couple of screws in his mouth and a flathead screwdriver behind his ear. “Hey, is the shelf done?”

“Will be in a minute,” Xander replied around the two screws. “You got the books out?”

“Yup. All ready and waiting to be shelved.”

“Ok. You unpack the rest and I’ll bring this to your room when I’m done.”

“Sure.” Willow turned to leave and almost bumped into Dawn. “Oh! Sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

Dawn smirked. “This is the third time today. If I didn’t know better, I would think you are the one with one eye.”

“I’m too busy to retort so assume I did,” Xander said without looking up.

“Anyway, I’ve done all my unpacking and came down to see if you need any help,” Dawn continued.

“I’m good,” Xander told her.

“I could use some help shelving the books later,” Willow said.

“Consider it done.”

“So how’s your room?” Willow asked.

“Small, crammed and nasties free,” Dawn replied.

“Good to know. Well, I’m going to my room to finish up the unpacking.” Willow left Dawn with Xander and went back to where she came from. Compared to the house they were living in previously, the apartment they now occupied was much smaller. There were only four rooms which they had to share among themselves. All the rooms were pretty similar – small and crammed and only one had a bathroom attached to it.

Dawn bedroom was directly across from hers while the other one – the one with the bathroom – was just beside Dawn’s. Willow took a peek into the master bedroom to see whether the occupant of that room was doing well. She hadn’t heard from her since they moved in yesterday.

Buffy was standing at one of the windows, staring silently at the street below. The window was open and a soft breeze came in, rustling everything in its path. The sunlight streaming in made her blond hair shine with an earthly glow before flooding into the bedroom, lighting and warming up every inch of the room.

Willow cleared her throat, announcing her presence. “Buffy? You ok?”

Buffy glanced over her shoulder and gave her a smile and nodded. She turned back to the window without a word.

“Do you need help with anything?”

Buffy shook her head but kept her back towards Willow. Willow glanced around her room and realized the boxes in there were the same when they first brought them in – still sealed.

“You got all your stuff unpacked?” Willow asked even though the answer was pretty obvious.

Buffy nodded.

“Ok, well, if there’s anything you need, I’ll be in my room.”

This time Buffy met her gaze while she nodded. She even produced a small smile.

“Ok,” Willow said softly.

Buffy’s attention was back to the window once again. Willow continued to watch the slayer as worry began to gnaw at her. Buffy had been awfully quiet ever since they moved in and at that time Willow brushed it of as tiredness. But now she didn’t think so. Something was going on with the slayer and she hoped Buffy would clue her in as to what it was. It was pretty scary to have the usual chatty slayer this quiet.

Footsteps pounded behind her and Willow could hear Xander arguing with someone. “I said no, Andrew. Do you want me to write it down?”

“But why no? It’s not like you’ve become attached to it,” Andrew whined.

“All my stuff is there,” Xander reasoned, “and I don’t want to transfer them again. It would take another 30 minutes which I don’t have to spare.” He turned to Willow and gestured to the book shelf he was carrying. “Hey, Will, where do you want this?”

“In my room by the window,” she answered. She led the way with Andrew and his whining following closely behind.

“Please, Xander, pleaseeee.” The last ‘please’ came out as a pleading screech which grated on Willow’s ears. “I’ll move the boxes for you.”

Xander sighed as he set the heavy book shelf down. “Fine,” he finally said. “But if you decide to swap sides again, I’ll make sure you won’t have any side at all.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” Andrew exclaimed. He ran up to Xander and gave him a hug before running out of the room like a 5 year old kid who just heard the call of the ice cream truck.

“Tell me why we brought him along again,” Xander asked her with a bemused smile playing on his lips.

“Come on, Xander. This isn’t the first time you are living under the same room with him.” She went to the pile of books scattered on the floor and started picking them up.

“Yeah but during then I had a dozen of girls keeping me distracted and I had one eye. I may still lack an eye but I don’t have the girls to keep me distracted.” He paused as he considered something. “Unless you, Dawn and Buffy will.”

Willow smacked him on his arm as she headed towards the bookshelf. “Have an obscene image of me, Dawn and Buffy in your head and I’ll knocked it right out with that bookcase,” she warned.

Xander raised his hands in defense. “Don’t worry. My head is image free,” he assured her with a smile. “Besides, with me down to a 50% vision, I don’t think I’ll see as much as I use to.”

Willow shot him a look as she brushed past him. She picked up a couple more books and preceded to shelf them.

“Anyway,” Xander continued, “speaking of Buffy how is our resident slayer-but-not-the-only-one? I haven’t seen her all morning.”

“She’s in her room. I went to see if she needed any help with anything and I found her standing at the window. She didn’t say much though.”

“Didn’t say much or nothing at all?”

Willow stopped rearranging the books on the first shelf and faced Xander, concern etched on her face. “More of the latter. I’m worried about her. She’s been pretty distant ever since we left Sunnydale.”

“Well, it’s only been a week since the whole fight of the century happen,” Xander said. “Maybe she just needs time to let it all sink in. And there also the thing with Spike she has to deal with.”

“Hey, guys?” a voice interrupted their conversation.

Willow and Xander snapped their heads towards the door where Buffy appeared.

“Oh, hey Buff!” Xander greeted, surprise in his tone. “What’s up?”

“I’m gonna head out,” Buffy continued oblivious to the conversation the two of them just had. “Check out the neighborhood a bit. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“Oh that’s a great idea!” Willow said. “Why don’t you give us a sec to finish up here and we can explore the neighborhood together.” Willow shot Xander a look and nudged him in the ribs. She hoped he got the clue and backed her up. She didn’t want Buffy wandering the streets she wasn’t familiar with by herself. Willow knew she could take care of herself – she is the Slayer after all – but Willow wasn’t sure what state she was in and it was better if Xander or Willow was there to keep an eye on her.

Thankfully, Xander got the hint. “Yeah, Buff, Willow’s right. It’ll be more fun if we all go together. Besides, I need someone to describe the scenery to me.”

Willow forced laughter at Xander’s attempt to joke but Buffy’s face remained blank. “Willow can take you. I won’t be long.”

“You sure you don’t want us to tag along?” Willow asked.

“I’ll be fine.” Buffy turned and left without waiting for either Willow or Xander to reply.

“We so need to keep an eye on her,” Xander remarked.

#########################################
~THE STREETS OF ROME~

Rome didn’t look anything like Sunnydale at all. For one thing, there were more shops and for another, the people were much friendlier. The place she and the rest were residing in was a good mile away from the crowed city and was much quieter but even then, the people in the place they were in was as much as the people living in the city. The streets were lined with quaint houses and apartments alike and there were a few shops dotting the place to cover all the necessities one might need.

Buffy walked down the street, taking in the surroundings without much acknowledgement. Houses, people, landmarks all just whipped by her without making much impact on her mind. She just strolled down the street aimlessly.

A park came into view and Buffy headed towards it without much thought. It was a weekday morning so the park didn’t have many occupants. Just a few senior citizens milling about and a few kids skipping school to sunbathe. Buffy spotted an empty bench and went towards it. The bench faced a water fountain and a kids’ playground which was empty except for a stray dog that was sniffing around the swing.

Buffy sat down on the hard wood and let her eyes roam the area. An old couple smile at her while they passed by, saying something to her in some foreign language she didn’t quite catch. She just forced a smile and gave them a little wave. Yup, Buffy thought as she watched the two stroll away hand-in –hand, you sure don’t see that in Sunnydale.

“Well, fancy meeting you here,” a male voice said from behind.

“Don’t play games. I knew you were following me,” Buffy replied without regarding the stranger.

She heard the man chuckled. Buffy didn’t see him move but she sure felt him. Her felt arm grew numb with cold as he took a seat beside her. “Nice place,” he said. “It’s been a while since I’ve been to Rome and things sure haven’t change much.”

“It’s different,” Buffy said as she started at a homeless man painting the scenery before him, the strokes the painter used to paint his canvas mesmerizing her.

“Not everywhere looks like Sunnydale, love. You’ll get use to it,” he assured her. “Look on the bright side, you got a great apartment. You can stay in there all day long if you don’t like how Rome looks in the day. Now, Rome at night on the other hand…”

Buffy snapped out of her day dreaming and faced him. “It’s the same as Sunnydale?”
He shrugged. “There are demons everywhere. It’s just that Rome is a little different.”

“The law firm,” Buffy stated, remembering what Giles had told her before she left for Europe. “They are the extra ingredient that makes this town extra demony.”

“Damn right. You may be here to pick up slayers but I have a feeling Giles sent you here for a whole other reason.”

Buffy frowned. “What did you hear?”

He leaned back in his seat and tilted his head back. The sunshine fell on his face, lighting it up in ways the moonlight couldn’t. “Not much. I suggest you have a good long talk with your Watcher before you and the Scoobies do anything.”

The two of them fell silent as his words started to sink into her. Buffy was a bit suspicious when Giles asked them to go to Italy just after the week they destroyed Sunnydale. But she thought that Giles was just eager to get things under way. As a result, she didn’t question his decision. Nobody did.

“Will we be ok here?” Buffy asked him. He had his eyes closed and there was a small smile on his lips.

“You’ll be fine,” he finally replied. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at his statement. It had been so long since someone had said that to her, she almost forgot how it felt. “Don’t leave me until I’m ready ok?” she reached out for his hand but he drew it away before her fingers could make contact.

“I’ll be here as long as you need me, pet. I won’t be going anywhere. I’ll always be here.” He opened his eyes and caught her gaze. He face split into a warm smile. “It’s where I belong.”

#########################################
~SCOOBIES APARTMENT~
~night~

Andrew wasn’t happy. He hasn’t been happy since he got to Europe and now his unhappiness just rose up another notch. He shot a glare at Dawn as she beamed back at him.

“Aha!” the teenager exclaimed triumphantly. “I told you so.”

“It’s not fair!” Andrew moaned. He crossed his arms across his chest and pouted.

Xander slapped him on his back. “Don’t worry, Andy. You’ll get back into in. Now whose turn is it?”

“Mine!” Willow announced as she pulled out a card from her hand and slapped it down onto the overturn cardboard box. “Uno!” Her green eyes sparkled with victory as she looked at the players around her.

Dawn let out an audible groan. “Not again. Xander, change the color please,” she begged.

“I would love to but I can’t. I don’t have much colors myself.”

“You’re right,” Andrew said, peering over the carpenter’s shoulder. “You only have greens.”

“Hey! No peeking!”

Andrew just shrugged. “I’m losing so I have to do something to get some advantage.”

“So go and peek at Willow’s card. She’s the one who’s winning!”

Someone rapped on the front door, interrupting their argument. “I’m going to get that,” Andrew said, getting to his feet. He tossed his remaining cards onto the ground with a huff and stormed away. he opened the door with a flourish, smiling widely. “Ciao mademoiselle! What can I do for you?”

“You can let me,” Buffy snapped as she pushed past Andrew and entered the apartment. Oh testy much? Andrew wondered as he shut the door.

“Hey Buffy. You don’t have your keys with you?” Willow asked as the slayer shrugged off her jacket and hung it on one of the hooks behind the front door.

“Guess I forgot.”

“How was your walk?” Dawn asked. “You were gone pretty long.”

“Big town,” she replied curtly. “Did Giles called?”

“Nope. Why? You were expecting a call from him?”

Buffy seem to zone out before she regarded her sister. “Urm…no. Just wondering, that’s all. I’m tired. I’m going to turn in.”

Andrew caught Willow’s face fell. “Oh, so early? I thought maybe we could play a round of Uno or something.”

“It’s sinister and addictive,” Xander piped up. “Can’t go wrong with that.”
“Not today. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” Without another word, the blond headed towards the master bedroom and shut the door, locking it behind her.

“Hmmm interesting,” Andrew said out loud.

“What is, Andrew?” Xander asked as they made their way back to the living room where their card game was, waiting for them to resume. The three of them sat around their makeshift table and Willow started gathering the cards to prepare for another round.

“The Slayer, of course. You would think – after what we achieved – she would be much happier but she isn’t. She looks depressed.”

“She isn’t depressed!” Dawn said defensively. “She has been through a lot so it’s completely understandable for her to be this distant.”

Andrew looked pointedly at Dawn as he spoke. “When was the last time she acted this way?”

Dawn held his gaze before looking away, not responding.

“When we brought her back,” Willow answered instead, her eyes downcast and her voice soft.

“And if memory serves, she was depressed then as well.”

“How do you know? You weren’t even there,” Xander said.

“But as part of the Evil Trio, I was. I was keeping tabs on her and it was quite obvious she wasn’t herself.” Andrew sat down and tucked his legs under him. “I’m just saying that she shouldn’t be depress or distant or whatever you want to call it after what we did. I thought we did a good thing so why isn’t she feeling good about it? I just find it weird, is all I’m saying.”

The three of them fell silent. Andrew picked up the cards which were left untouched on the box and started to shuffle them. “So. Another round?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~BUFFY’S ROOM~

He was sitting on the floor with his back against the far wall when Buffy entered the room. She threw a glance at him before going to one of the boxes. She ripped it opened and started going through the contents.

“What are you looking for, love?” he asked.

“Giles’ phone number. It’s in my address book.”

“You mean this one?”

Buffy turned towards him and noticed him holding up a small black book. “Where did you get that?”

“It was next to the phone. Willow took it out.”

“Hand it to me. I need to call Giles.”

“Not a good idea.”

“What? Why not? You the one who said I should have a long talk with him about this whole Europe trip.”

“And you think he would tell you? He hid this – whatever this is – from you since the beginning and you think he would pop the beans open and spill it just like that?”

“So what do you suggest I do? You case you didn’t notice, I don’t exactly have the resources to do research on or where to start. I don’t even know what the hell it is that we are dealing with,” Buffy snapped.

He got up to his feet and tossed the book on top of a box. He stuffed his hands into the pocket of his jeans and walked towards her. He stopped when he was inches away from her. The cold radiating from him caused a chill to run through Buffy and she fought she urge to shiver. He leaned close, his mouth inches away from her ear.

“I suggest you talk to Angel.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~XANDER/ANDREW’S BEDROOM~

Xander sat in the room which he shared with Andrew, listening to the sounds of muffled conversation coming from Buffy’s room. He could only hear the sound of Buffy’s voice and he wondered whether she was talking to someone else or to herself. And if she was indeed talking to someone else, who was it? Dawn and Willow were in the living room playing cards while Andrew was knocked out on his mattress, tired from losing three straight games.

Like the rest, Xander was getting pretty worried about the slayer. Besides being distant and detached from them, Xander also noticed that she was taking the slayer-is-always-alone bit just a tad too far – always going out by herself and keeping to herself.

He certainly did understand what is was like to lose someone you love. He, in fact, went through the same thing, losing Anya during the Big Fight. He just wished that she would come out of her shell and talked to him about it. He certainly could use the company.

Xander pulled out his wallet and flipped it open. He took out small picture from one of its compartment. The picture was stained and had a torn edge which wasn’t surprising since he had the wallet with the picture in it during the whole Sunnydale ordeal. He was surprise that he still had the wallet on him after everything he had gone through. He probably thought he would drop it sometime during the fight.

The picture was taken during one of their dates. It was early on during their relationship and Anya had never experience taking a photo in one of those instant photo booths. So he decided to take her there after their dinner date. Anya was so excited about it that they took nearly about fifty pictures that night – half of it containing only her.

The one he had in his wallet was the only good one of the both of them. The others with the two of them in it had goofy smiles or had a funny expression on their faces. This was the only one with the two of them with a nice smile and with a decent expression on.

He traced Anya’s face with his finger, memories of that day rushing back to him like an incoming tide. The memories swirled around in his mind – the laughter, jokes, and their happy expressions blending into one.

Xander squeezed his eyes shut and let tears fall to his cheeks. Ever since they left Sunnydale, he didn't allow himself to take a moment to let the fact Anya was dead to sink in. He tried very hard to let it sink in; knowing full well how hard it was going hit him. It was only now that he allowed himself to feel the grief that he had been blocking out for so long.

“Xander?” a muffled voice called out from Andrew’s side of the room. Xander snapped his wallet shut, stuffing the photo into his pocket. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and faced Andrew. The ex villain was propped up on his elbow, peering out from under the blanket, his hair sticking out in a million places and sleep still clouding his vision.

“Oh gees, Andrew! You scared me. I thought you were asleep.”

“Sorry. I heard voices so I woke up.” He squinted at Xander. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I stare at my wallet. It helps me sleep,” Xander lied.

“Oh ok. Well, good night.” He turned to face the other side and flopped back down onto the mattress. A second later, Xander could hear a soft snore coming from him. Xander sighed and took out the picture he was looking at earlier. He flipped open his wallet and slipped the photo back into its compartment where it belonged. He placed the wallet next to his pillow and lay down.

He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.

[shred]

~NEXT MORNING~

Buffy dropped the phone back to its cradle in frustration as her third attempt to get through to Angel failed. She ran her hand through her blond hair and sighed.

“Couldn’t get him, pet?”

Buffy turned and faced the speaker. He was seated on one of the seal boxes, looking at her expectantly. “No, I couldn’t. I tried the hotel but the number is not in use and then I tried calling Giles but he’s not picking up.”

“Too bad.” He fell silent.

Buffy waited for him to say something else but he didn’t. He stared somewhere off her shoulder, his eyes taking on a faraway look. His lack of concern ignited anger within her.

Someone rapped on the wooden door. Buffy whirled around just as Dawn popped her head in. “What?” Buffy snapped at her.

Dawn glared at her sister. “Whoa snappish much? I just thought I come by to tell you we are having breakfast now. You want to join us or stand there and have fits of anger?”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Ok.” She was about to close the door but stopped midway. “Were you talking to somebody?” she asked.

“No. There’s no one here to talk to.”

“I know. I just thought I heard you talking to someone.”

Buffy nodded towards the phone. “Well, I was talking to Giles earlier.”

“Right, that must be it. How is he anyway?”

“Busy.” Buffy heard him chuckled. She threw him a glance. He was on his feet now, making his way towards the door. Without a word, he slipped out of the room. Dawn didn’t even notice a thing.

“So what did you guys talked about?”

“Nothing important.”

“Oh ok. Well, I’m going to get breakfast. I’ll see you downstairs.” Dawn left, shutting the down behind her. Buffy’s eyes stayed trained on the door before deciding to follow her sister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~KITCHEN~

Breakfast in the new kitchen didn’t exactly feel like it used to. For one, there wasn’t a dining table or chairs around from them to sit and eat so instead they had to stand. And for another, there was a certain tension in the air that hung over their head as they stood around in a circle, eating their breakfast.

No one said a word as Buffy walked in. She pulled out a mug from one of the boxes and poured coffee into it without bothering to wash it first. She leaned against the sink and nursed the steaming cup of coffee. Xander stood across from her. He eyes were unfocused, as if deep in thought as he absentmindedly popped Cheerios straight from its box into his mouth. Andrew was standing next to Xander also with a cereal box. His eyes flickered from one person to the other, as if watching them and waiting for someone to say or do something interesting.

Willow was munching on a sandwich that she made. She had a smile on her face, trying her best to look like she wasn’t feeling any of the tension that was pulling at the room. Dawn completed the circle, standing between Willow and Buffy. She was nibbling on a Pop Tart with a grumpy look on her face.

“So,” Willow started. “Kenney called just now.”

From the smile plastered on her face, Buffy could tell she was trying very hard to chase away the strain among them. Andrew’s face lit up as soon as Willow spoke. He, too, looked like he was uncomfortable with the awkwardness among them.

“She did?” he asked with as much enthusiasm as Vanna White. “What she say?”

“The usual,” Willow answered. “She said she missed me and how badly she wished she was here instead of with Giles in England.”

Andrew’s lips jutted out a little as he pouted. “I wished I was in England and doing all the Watcher stuff. It’s so much more fun.”

Silence descended upon them once again, heavier than before.

“So,” Andrew said, startling everyone as his voice shattered the silence. “What do you think we should do today? Should we do some sightseeing?”

Willow visibly brightened. “That’s a great idea. We haven’t really checked out the place so maybe we could do that.” She looked at the other silent Scoobies. “What do you guys think?”

Xander faced Willow, focus coming back into his eyes. He shrugged, “Sounds good to me.”

Dawn didn’t answer. She just nodded her head glumly.

“Buffy?”

“What about the slayers? We still need to get them.”

“We can do that once we get back. It’s not like we are in a hurry or anything. What do you say?”

“You guys go ahead. I’ll pick up the slayers.”

“I thought we all decided to that together,” Andrew said.

“Well, we certainly can’t do both. It’s either we get the slayers and get out or we go sightseeing,” Buffy said.

“Get out? What do you mean by ‘get out’?” Xander asked, his forehead scrunching up into a frown.

“We are not staying here,” Buffy said. “We’ll get the slayers and bring them back to England with us tagging along.”

“But, Buffy, we’ve only been here for two days,” Willow said. “Surely you don’t expect us to leave to soon.”

“We have to. There’s…there’s something Giles is not telling us. I don’t think we are here just to collect slayers.”

“Is that why you called Giles?” Dawn asked, looking up at her sister.

“You called Giles?” Willow asked, her eyebrows rising.

“Yes,” Buffy replied, “but he didn’t say much. I tried to see if he would open up but he didn’t.”

“And what makes you think he’s hiding something from us?” Xander asked a tinge of irritation in his voice.

“Think about it. He sent us to Italy a week after everything that has happen. He didn’t even let us settle in or anything. He just told us to go without any explanation,” Buffy argued.

“Settle in? Buffy, all our stuff got destroyed when we decided to make Sunnydale into another hole in the world. All we had was the shirt on our backs. And Giles did explain to us why we are here. We are here to get slayers and ship them to England.”

“You guys don’t understand. There’s more to it than collecting slayers.” Buffy turned to Willow. “Will, I need you do to some research on the law firm that’s here.”

“You mean Wolfram & Hart?”

Buffy nodded. She regarded the rest. “We don’t know anything about them but we are sharing the same country with them. Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that Giles didn’t say anything to us about the law firm?”

“No, I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s smart,” Xander snapped. “Giles probably don’t want us to go poking around businesses that aren’t our own. Our business is to get slayers, not fight evil law firms. If you want to do that, go do that on your own time.”

“Xander!” Willow exclaimed. She looked at him, not believing what he had just said. So did Buffy. She was thrown back to the time where all of them went against her and threw her out of her own house. It was not something she wanted to go through again.

“Look, all I’m saying is that there must be a good reason for Giles not telling us about the law firm,” Xander continued, “maybe he wants us away from the demon fighting duties for awhile and if that’s the case, I’m more than happy to do just that. After seven years of fighting evil, I finally have a chance to live it up a little and I don’t really want to jump onto that demon-fighting-saving-the-world wagon again. I’m more than happy to let that wagon past me by.”

“Xander…”

He lifted his hand, cutting Willow off. He sighed and dropped his hand to his side as if in exhaustion. For the first time, Buffy could clearly see the weariness that had taken its toll on her friend. She wondered if the same look was reflected on her and on the rest.

“I just need time ok,” he told her. He eyes flickered to Buffy, making sure she was listening as well. “Just…just give me some time.” With that, he set the cereal box down and exited the kitchen.

Buffy shook her head in frustration. But what Xander said had made her rethink her decision on looking into Wolfram & Hart. After seven years of slaying she certainly deserved a break – they all do. For so long, she had to be suspicious of anything and everything around her and her friends and now that she didn’t have to, why go looking for suspicious things?

Maybe Giles didn’t tell them much about the law firm because he didn’t want them to back into the demon fighting scene again. Maybe there wasn’t anything to be worked up on at all and that it was all in her overactive imagination. It’s not like she had solid evidence that Wolfram & Hart was plotting something against them or that Giles was indeed hiding something from them. All she had was some else’s word and he wasn’t actually someone she could trust.

Not after what had happened.

“If you want, I could do that research for you,” Willow spoke up. “All I have to do is hook the laptop up and I’m all set for researching.”

Buffy looked up at Willow and gritted her teeth in anger. The expression on Willow’s face almost made Buffy scream. A mixture of pity and concern was written on her face and Willow tried her best to hide it by producing an ‘I’m with you all the way’ smile.

It made Buffy sick.

“No, that’s fine. Maybe Xander’s right. Maybe I’m reading this all wrong. Let’s just forget it.”

“You sure? It’s no trouble at all – really.”

“Just forget about it ok?” Buffy ground out, her grip on the porcelain mug tightened a little. “We shouldn’t be wasting any time with this.” She set her mug down before she did more damage to it. “You guys do that sightseeing while I go track down the girls,” she said over her shoulder as she headed out of the kitchen.

She made her way to the living room where she found Xander. He was rummaging through the remaining unopened box with his back towards her. He pulled out a rug and started shaking the dust out.

“He gave us a rug too?” Buffy asked in order to break the silence.

“Yup,” Xander replied, his back still towards her. “Want to check if it’s evil or anything?”

“I’m sorry. I should have known better than to –”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Xander interrupted. He stood up and faced her, dropping the rug at his feet. “I know where you are coming from. It’s pretty hard to believe that our lives as slayer and slayerettes are over and you are probably expecting some British guy to jump up and say April’s Fool. But like many other things that have happened, this is another one that we should accept.”

“You’re right. I guess I’m not used to it.”

He smiled, all hostility from their earlier conversation gone. “You’ll get use to it.”

“Anyway, I’m heading out to pick up the girls. Wanna come with?”

Xander looked at the three unopened boxes around him and shrugged. “Sure. It’s not like I have much to do anyway.”

“I’ll meet you at the car in ten minutes. I need to get some stuff from my room.”

“Sure. See you in ten.”

Buffy made her way through the living room and headed to the other side where all the rooms where. She jumped, startled when she nearly bumped into him as soon as she entered the room. “Gees, you scared me.”

“What are you doing?” he asked angrily.

“I’m dropping it,” Buffy replied. She went over to her bag pack, unzipped it and started taking out papers that contained all the information on the five girls that they came to collect. The information was from Giles who got it from the Seers at the new Watchers’ Council.

“Why?”

Buffy whirled around and faced him. “Because it’s stupid and ridiculous and stupid and time wasting and – did I mention that it was stupid?”

“I cannot believe I’m hearing this,” he muttered as he ran his hand through his platinum blond hair.

“Well, believe it because what Xander said made sense. “After seven long years of being a slayer, I’m not use to having this normal life…thing. I keep expecting someone to come to me and say it’s all a joke and that I have to be the slayer again. I keep thinking this is some great, big ploy by some great, big beastie to take me down. Hence, the suspicion at everything you throw at me.”

“You’re wrong and you –”

“Do you have any proof?” Buffy asked, cutting him off. “You come back to me with solid proof and then I’ll consider kicking its ass. But right now, I’m not the slayer anymore.” Buffy turned back to her bag pack and started gathering her things.

“But you are still a slayer. You still have to do your job. You can’t just neglect your destiny because a bunch of girls have wakened up to the slayer’s call. That’s not how it works.” He was yelling now, his face red with frustration and his fists curled into a tight ball at his side.

“I’m not neglecting anything. I’m just taking a long, deserving break.” She folded up the pieces of paper and stuffed them into the pocket of her jeans.

“I can’t believe you are listening to the whelp over me.”

“That’s because Xander isn’t dead. Unlike you.”

She left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving him seething alone in her room.

#########################################
~TWENTY MINUTES LATER~

“Ok, her name is Tessa,” Xander was saying as he and Buffy walked towards a small, double storey house. “She’s seventeen years old and lives with her boyfriend, her parents are divorced and she’s the only child.” Xander looked up from the paper he was reading and smiled grimly at Buffy. “We certainly chose the wrong girl as a slayer.”

“Why is that?” Buffy asked as she studied the house before them. The house looked like it belonged to some old lady with hundreds of cats. It sure didn’t look like a young girl and her boyfriend was living in it. “Because she disowned her parents and is living with her boyfriend?”

“No, because it says here she was jailed three times for shoplifting and for fighting in a pub,” Xander replied, waving the paper at her. “Why can’t we get girls that are normal? Girls like you.”

Buffy shot him a look. “We don’t get to choose the girls, Xander. Destiny does.”

“Destiny, shm-estiny. Whoever chooses these girls should get their eyes checked.”

Buffy threw him a smile as they climbed up the cobblestone steps. She was glad that Xander was back to his joyful, joking self. Buffy turned her attention to the wooden door and rapped on it a couple of times.

“So what are you going to say to her?” Xander inquired as they waited for someone to answer their knock. “‘Hi, I’m Buffy and you’re the slayer’ isn’t going to cut it.”

Buffy squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “Whatever goes I guess.” Her stomach was twisted in knots and she didn’t know whether it’s from the lack of breakfast or from nervousness. “I’m more worried that about her speaking English.”

The door suddenly swung open, startling the two. A young man – probably the same age as Xander and Buffy – stood before them, a puzzled look across his handsome features. He was a handsome man. He had dark, curly hair, smoldering dark eyes and a body that was sculpted in all the right places. He had a chiseled jaw and prominent chin, making him look like an Italian version of Brad Pitt. His tight, light colored polo shirt and Bermuda shorts complimented him real well.

No wonder Tessa has moved in with him. Buffy would too in a heartbeat.

“Hi,” Buffy stammered as she stared into his dark eyes. They were like coals, smoldering and oh-so hot. “You’re…” Beautiful.

“You must be Tessa’s boyfriend,” Xander cut in. He nudged Buffy away and stood in front of the man, his hand outstretched for a handshake. The man looked at Xander’s hand quizzically before taking it.

“Yes, I am,” the man said. His voice low, warm and was heavily accented. He gave Xander a firm shake before releasing his hand. “How can I help you?”

Buffy put on her widest smile as she spoke. “We are looking for Tessa. Is she in?”

“Yes, she is. She’s taking a shower. What is this about?”

“Can we come in?” Xander asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have a beautiful house, Antonio,” Buffy gushed. Antonio led them towards the living room where they sat down. Antonio eyed them suspiciously as Buffy and Xander sat down on the couch.

“Thank you. It use to belong to my grandmother,” he replied. “I’ll go tell Tessa you’re here.”

As soon as Antonio left, Xander shot Buffy a scowl. “What was that about?”

Buffy blinked. “What?”

“You were blatantly drooling at his feet just now. And I was so sure you were going to melt right there and then.”

“It’s what I do when I see a gorgeous guy,” Buffy said innocently.

“Not my place to say whether he’s gorgeous or not but it’s certainly my place to say, act professional!”

Buffy patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Xander. I can control myself. I won’t go all RJ-swooning anytime soon. Promise.”

“Good.”

“Tessa will be out soon,” Antonio said as he came back into the living room. He sat down across from them, his dark eyes raking Buffy then Xander. “You are Americans, yes?”

“Damn right we are,” Xander said with a laugh. “Was it our accent that gave us away?”

“No, it was your look.”

“M-My look?” He looked questioningly at Buffy – unconsciously touching the side of his face – who shrugged. She looked away when she heard footsteps drawing near. She craned her neck to look over the couch and spotted a girl coming towards them. She was wrapped in a bathrobe and had an irritated look on her face.

The girl was pretty. She had long, flowing hair, the color of night with high cheekbones and a killer body. She looked like she just walked out from a high fashion runway show. Both of them did in fact.

Now it was Xander’s turn to drool.

Tessa broke into a slew of Italian words and she certainly didn’t sound happy. Antonio just shrugged and gestured towards Buffy and Xander. Tessa’s gaze landed on them. She took one long look before she spoke to them. “I am Tessa. What do you want?” The accent in her voice wasn’t as heavy as her boyfriend even though she had the classic look of an Italian woman.

“Tessa,” There was a warning underlying Antonio’s tone as he regarded her. He spoke to her in Italian as fast as she did. Tessa softened a little as she faced the two Americans again.

“I’m sorry,” she said to them, a smile plastered on her lips. “Please forgive my manners. I was having a bad day.”

“No problem. But I can’t say we are here with good news.”

Tessa frowned as she studied them. “Who are you?”

“I’m Buffy and this is Xander, a friend of mine.” Buffy watched Tessa’s expression closely as she continued, “And I’m a slayer.”

“A slayer?”

Buffy nodded. “And so are you.” Then –

“Mamma Mia!”

##################################################################
More soon.

[shred]

~NIGHT~

The second girl went much well than Tessa. After explaining to Tessa what a slayer was and what she was required to do, she burst into another string of Italian phrases that both Buffy and Xander didn’t quite catch. Antonio had to calm her down and when she did, she kept shooting death glares towards the two Americans.

Buffy then went on to explain that she had to go to England where there is a school for girls like her. In that school, trained teachers are there to teach the slayers on the basic fighting skills and basic knowledge on demons and how to kill them. The girls will also be assigned to a Watcher that would guide them throughout their time as a slayer. Buffy then went on to explain what a Watcher was.

Tessa looked like she was about to faint when Buffy finally finished. Her face visibly paled and her grip on Antonio’s arm tightened, causing red marks to appear on his ivory skin. Antonio's expression matched Tessa's. His mouth opened and shut, as if he was about to say something but he remained silent, staring into space.

Buffy and Xander decided to leave a few minutes later in order to give Tessa some time to take it all in. Buffy left behind her contact details with Tessa and told her to give her a call when she’s ready to go to England. Tessa didn’t reply. She just nodded mutely as Antonia led them out of their house.

The second girl was easier to tell the whole ‘you-are-a-slayer’ story to. The girl, Adriana, was a mousy nineteen year old who lived with her parents. She didn’t speak much English but Buffy and Xander managed to get their point across through simple English, some frantic gestures and at one point a bit of role play. Somehow, they managed to get Adriana to understand what they were trying to explain. In reply, Adriana told them that she knew there was something different about her because of certain unusual things that she had been experiencing.

Adriana took the news well than Tessa did and she said she would try to get to England as soon as possible. First she had to convince her parents to move to England on such a short notice.

After leaving Adriana house, Buffy and Xander agreed to spread the remaining three girls throughout the week. Telling the bad news to two girls in a row was certainly tiring and they both think it was best to tell the bad news to one girl per day.

Buffy frowned as she sat silently in Xander’s car, heading back home. Bad news? Was telling a young girl she was a slayer considered as bad news? Wasn’t having super human strength and the likes a good thing? Wasn’t going out into the dark of night every night fighting demons and vampires every now and then to save the saving the world and mankind a good thing?

Buffy shook her head. No, it wasn’t. It might be good news if someone comes up to you and tells you that you are practically a superhero but the emotional baggage that comes with it certainly wasn’t. She knew what it was like to have a total stranger come up to you and dump this atomic bomb and expect you to accept it instantly – granted that Tessa was lucky that a pretty, blond girl and her dark haired, one-eyed friend was the one the broke the news to her. Buffy didn’t have that luxury – all she got was a short, slight balding man called Merrick.

She knew how it felt when the words “you are the slayer” sinks into your brain and puts you into a tailspin. Confusion, confusion and more confusion just swirls within you, weakening you into a walking human mass of confusing mess. That she knew wasn’t a good thing.

Guess it was bad news after all.

Ten minutes later, Xander pulled into the parking lot in front of their apartment. Their apartment was silent and dark when they entered it and Buffy guessed that the rest were still out doing their sightseeing. It was only eight in the evening anyway, still early for them to be home.

While Xander proceeded towards the remaining unpacked boxes, Buffy went to the kitchen to get some dinner. Since they didn’t have a refrigerator yet, there wasn’t much she could do about dinner. All she could work with was some leftover bread from this morning, Pop Tarts and two boxes of cereal.

Buffy took two slices of bread, a jar of jam and a couple of Pop Tarts. She spread the contents out on the counter and went over to the sink to get a glass of water. She drowned the glass before refilling it again. She went back to the counter and started spreading the strawberry jam on the bread slices and Pop Tarts.

Buffy felt the air move behind her and she whirled around, dropping the knife to the ground, her five senses on high alert. She relaxed a little when she saw who it was that entered the kitchen. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She leaned down and picked up the spreader that she dropped. She turned back to her dinner. “I thought I told you I was dropping this.”

The man moved forward and stood beside her. “I got proof.”

Buffy looked up in surprise. She didn’t think he would have done what she said seeing how he never did that when he was alive. “You do?”

He nodded, his blue eyes shining with excitement. “And I was right. Giles is doing something behind your back.”

Buffy dropped whatever she was doing and shifted, letting her hip to lean against the counter. She crossed her arms over her chest and held herself, waiting for him to continue.

“And I think Kennedy is in on this as well.”

“What? What makes you say that?”

He leaned closer and she could clearly see his excitement growing. “I saw them both going to Brightington to meet a guy called Ross Bishop.”

Buffy was trying very to be as excited as he was but somehow the excitement he was trying to rub on her just fell at her feet. “Who’s Ross Bishop?”

“He’s working for the new Watchers’ Council and –”

“And how does that make them suspicious?” Buffy couldn’t help but ask. “Just because you saw them going to Brighting –”

“Brightington,” he corrected her, a tinge of exasperation in his voice, probably annoyed that she interrupted him when he was just getting to the good part.

“– Whatever. Look, the thing is, I don’t see what’s so wrong about Giles and Kennedy meeting someone from the Watchers’ Council.”

“Well, for one thing, the Council is in London,” he reminded her. “What are they doing in Brightington?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they were on official Council business,” Buffy said sarcastically.

“Yes, but why Brighton? They could have done it in London itself or in that rural place where Giles’ home is.”

“Westbury,” she supplied for him.

“Whatever.”

“So this is your proof?” she asked.

His confidence started to waver as Buffy stared at him. “Well…yes,” he stammered. “Isn’t it enough?”

Buffy shook her head and turned back to her dinner. “And here I thought I was getting paranoid,” she muttered under her breath.

“This Bishop guy isn’t a good man. I’ve heard things about him.”

Buffy raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Things? What kind of things?”

“Things! You know – bad, evil things.”

Buffy could tell he was running out of stream so instead of making a remark, she shook her head and turned away.

But he wasn’t giving up. He slammed his clenched fist down on top of the counter top hard, making the things on it jump slightly, making her jump slightly. “Why aren’t you listening to me?”

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” she countered, her voice rising slightly. “Are you even listening to yourself? You sound like I did just before I got some sense knock in! I’ve told you that I’m dropping this so why are you pestering me about it? Why do you so badly want me to believe that Giles is up to something bad? Are you trying to go against him? Is that what this is all about?

“Of course not. I’m just looking out for you, is all – like I’ve always done.”

Buffy shook her head, this time more out of anger than amusement. “No – just don’t, ok? Don’t give me this ‘I’m-looking-out-for-you-I know-what’s-good-for-you’ crap. I had seven years of it and that’s enough to last me a lifetime. Just leave it alone – leave me alone. It’s over.”

He softened, defeat in his eyes. “You don’t understand, do you? This…thing never ends. All the monsters, the demons, the vampires, the deaths, the suspicions…it never ends. You may have closed the Hellmouth and stopped the First Evil’s plans but life goes on – the darkness and evil goes on.”

He took a step closer. “Whether you like it or not, you are still a slayer and whether you like it or not, people still do evil things when you aren’t looking. You just don’t want to accept it because, this time around, the evil doer is your old man Rupert.

“You may think you have just started a normal life but you haven’t. As long as there is slayer blood running in your veins, as long as the darkness that the Shadow men have put in you is still in your being, you will never have a normal life. The darkness and all that fighting the good fight crap will always stay with you until you die.”

His blue eyes pinned hers as he paused. The silence stretched as they stared at each other, Buffy daring him to go on, to say something that would make her falter. A small, sad smile stretched across his lips as he reached out, his fingers not quite touching her face.

“It’s where you belong, pet.”

#########################################
XANDER/ANDREW’S BEDROOM

It’s happening again.

Xander braced himself against the door of his bedroom; his palms on the door supporting his body weight and his right ear against the wooden door. The door was thin enough to allow Buffy voice to filer through the door and into his ear but it was thick enough to muffle her words. He couldn’t hear what she was saying but the content of the conversation didn’t matter, the nature of it did.

Buffy’s voice was raised now, the door not at all masking the volume or the anger in her tone. Xander tensed, unsure what to expect next. A full on fight with some unseen and unheard demon maybe? Or maybe Buffy to start going insane? Or maybe he himself would start screaming because of how tense he was?

But nothing like that happened. Instead only silence came at him. Xander pulled away from the door and waited for a second. Then, as soon as he was sure that it was safe, Xander twisted the door knob and pushed it open.

No one was out in the living room like he expected. The living room was dark and the only source of light came from the kitchen, casting an eerie glow on the boxes around the living room.

Satisfied that no hordes of demons would burst through the walls of the apartment anytime soon, Xander stepped back into his room and closed the door. He went to his mattress and sat down, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. He didn’t know which one was worst; having hundreds of demons crashing through the apartment or living with a crazy slayer. The last time Buffy went crazy, she tried killing all her friends and he certainly didn’t want to go through that again.

A few days after the collapse of Sunnydale, Buffy was withdrawn and kept much to herself. Though Xander didn’t think much of it, Willow was pretty worried. He could understand why she acted so distant. They did something none of them would never have thought they were capable of doing and it shaken all of them.

And there was that little thing about Spike saving the world and dying in the process. But that’s not important.

Willow had expressed her worries to him about Buffy but Xander just told her to give Buffy time. She probably needed some time alone to deal with what had happened. It was only a day before they left for Italy when Xander began to share Willow’s concern.

It was during then when Buffy became much more chatty than usual. Not towards them but chatty nonetheless.

Xander rubbed the bridge of his nose with this thumb and index finger. Sleep was tugging at him and he so badly wanted to lie down and go into La-La land where he wouldn’t have to worry about crazy slayers and crazy slayer acts. However, he couldn’t just go to sleep and leave Buffy alone. He knew he would be able to sleep easier if Willow and the rest were back to keep an eye on Buffy for him.

The tiny hairs on the back of his neck started to rise and he had that creepy feeling that something or someone was watching him. He looked up and swept his gaze across the room. Like he hoped, he was the only one in the room. However, he still had that niggling feeling at the base of his neck, like something was staring at him, burning holes in his back like two lasers. He rotated his shoulders, trying to get ride of the kinks in his shoulder muscles.

He stood up, feeling jittery. He glanced at the window but the curtains were drawn, blocking out the possibility that some pervert was watching him from the apartment building across theirs. Neither were there any holes in the ceiling so the prospect of someone living above peeping down at him was also out.

Something was in the room with him.

Realization dawn onto him and Xander wondered whether this was the reason Buffy could be heard talking to herself. Maybe there was some unknown invisible creature in this house, talking to people and making their flat-mates think that the other is going crazy. Was that its evil plan?

There was only one way to find out.

“Hello? Who’s there?” Xander didn’t expect an answer and he was partly glad he didn’t get one. The other part was disappointed that he didn’t get any answer as now he has to go back to the fact that Buffy could be going insane.

“Is anybody here?” he called out again just to make sure. That niggling feeling was still there and it was making him uncomfortable. “Come on you coward. Show yourself. I don’t have all day.”

Nothing.

The curtains fluttered a little and somewhere in the house a creak was heard. Xander jumped. He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to rub the feeling away at the same time but it didn’t help.

Then the lights in the apartment went out and Xander did all he could to prevent himself from screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Willow, Dawn and Andrew got back, Willow wanted so badly to lie down. Her feet ached from all the walking, her eyes burned from all the sights she had seen and her body was numb from the cold that had suddenly descended on the town. The three of them dragged themselves into the apartment, Willow trying her hardest not to collapse on the floor and just curl up and fall to sleep.

The apartment was strangely silent when they entered. The only light that was on came from the kitchen and from Xander’s room. Andrew, clutching his Polaroid camera and photographs close to his chest, hurried further into the living room, murmuring something about sorting the photos out and writing captions on them. Dawn decided to help him out.

Willow strode towards to the kitchen and was mildly surprised to see Buffy at the counter with her back towards Willow. She stood still, her back was rigid and her shoulders were tense. Willow noticed that she was gripping the bread spreader so tight that her knuckles had turned white.

Willow’s sneakers squeaked as her shoe scuffed against the parquet floor. Buffy didn’t even turn around but she did start to move again. She started gathering up the remains of her dinner and went over to a black trash bag – their temporary dustbin for the moment – and dumped the contents.

“So you guys had fun?” Buffy asked, not meeting Willow’s gaze.

“Yeah. There were a lot to see.”

“Well, I hope you guys had your dinner because we don’t really have food that can be call actual dinner.”

“It’s ok. We’ve already ate.”

Buffy picked up a towel and started wiping down the counter.

“You ok?”

“I’m fine,” she replied still not looking at Willow.

“You sure? Because you don’t look so hot.”

Buffy stopped her cleaning and faced Willow. Saying she didn’t look hot was just an understatement. Her face was pale and there was a haunted look in her eyes. Willow could clearly see worry eating at her nerves. “You look stressed.”

A smile was pasted on Buffy’s face as she replied, “I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all. No big.”

“You want to talk about it?” Willow asked.

Buffy returned back to her cleaning. “It’s not important.”

“Well, it is to me,” Willow snapped. Buffy froze and Willow flinched at how exasperated she sounded. She didn’t want to scare Buffy away and sounding like Buffy was testing her patience wasn’t the way to go. She tried again, “I mean, I’m worry about you. I think we should talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine,” she replied curtly.

But Willow wasn’t about to give up so easily. “Well, ok, then. I’ll talk instead. I’m worried. No, not worried – scared. I’m scared because after seven years of waking up in the morning and knowing what I was going to do has ended. For seven years, my main thing to do for that day was to get through the day alive. But now that it’s over, I have no idea where I’m going or what to do and it scares me. I’m not the kind who goes through a day without a plan. I need a plan or I’ll feel lost. Then I start thinking about you. If I’m feeling this way, just imagine what Buffy must be feeling because fighting evil has been her life. Now that she doesn’t need to fight evil anymore, does that mean she has no life? So I guess I feel scared and worried – worried about you. So until you clue me in on what’s been going on with you and how you are handling things, I won’t stop feeling worried about you.” Willow stopped herself and the silence rushed back into the kitchen, overwhelming them. Willow took a deep breath and waited for Buffy to reply.

“I’m sorry you feel this way,” Buffy finally said. Willow waited for her to say more but she knew that was the only thing she was going to get out of the blond girl.

“Buffy, you don’t have to be afraid to talk to me. Whatever you are going through, we are going through it as well. We’ve been there, Buffy. We know what it’s like.”

Buffy whirled around and glared at Willow, she eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Do you? Do you really?”

“If you tell –”

“No! You tell me, Willow. Do you really know what it’s like to be not needed anymore – to feel like you are turning your back on the world when all you are trying to do is to take a break? Do you honestly feel as lost and confuse and sacred as I am? Do you have voices in your head telling me that what I’m doing is wrong, that having a normal life is wrong?

“If you do, then please tell me how you deal with it because I don’t think I can live like this anymore. I can’t live with this constant nagging in my head, telling me every minute how I’m turning my back to my destiny – how I’m letting people die because I’m not doing my job. I thought this is what I wanted but I don’t know, Will. I don’t know what I want anymore.”

Willow stood rooted to the ground, shocked at Buffy’s sudden outburst. This was the most Buffy had even said to her in a long time.

“I don’t know where I belong anymore,” Buffy said, her voice so soft Willow had to strain her ears to hear her.

Soft or loud, the words still hit Willow like a slap across the face. At that moment, Buffy never looked so vulnerable, so lost and Willow didn’t know what to do to make her feel better. However, Buffy was right. She didn’t know what it felt to be Buffy during this time of their lives. If she didn’t know what the problem was, how can she find the solution to it?

But one thing is for sure, Buffy needed Willow – and Xander and Dawn and maybe Giles. Buffy needed her friends right now and Willow was going to be there for her. She will be there until Buffy was able to face the future without cowering in fear.

“Buffy I –”

The kitchen plunged into darkness. Willow jumped, startled and she heard Buffy cursed under her breath. Somewhere in the apartment, Willow heard a high-pitched scream and then an “It wasn’t me” from Xander, whose voice was tinge with fear.

“What’s going on?” Willow asked to no one in particular. Buffy was already heading out to the living and Willow quickly followed. With the help of the moonlight streaming through the open windows, Willow was able to make out Dawn and Andrew standing confused in the living room.

“Where’s Xander?” Buffy demanded.

“In his room I think,” Andrew replied. His voice was shaking slightly and he looked spooked. Willow guessed that the scream from earlier came from him.

“I’ll find him,” she offered and started towards his bedroom. The door was closed so Willow gave a couple of raps on it before calling out, “Xander? You in there?” The door swung open suddenly, making Willow to jump back in surprise. Before Willow could say anything else, Xander grabbed her arm and pulled her into the room, shutting the door behind them. The darkness of the room engulfed them.

Willow had to take a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She soon saw the outline of the two mattresses on the floor and a few boxes scattered around. The only noise she could hear was muffled conversation from the living room and Xander’s heavy breathing.

“What’s going on?” she asked, breaking the silence.

Xander pressed his index finger to her lips. “Shh! Don’t say a word,” he hissed. Willow obeyed as she didn’t have any other choice. A minute later, he spoke up, “Do you feel that?”

Willow shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She didn’t want to upset him with her words.

“Something’s here,” Xander continued in a hush tone.

Willow’s eyes widen in surprise. “What?”

“Not sure. But I know something’s here.”

Willow kept still for awhile. She didn’t know she was supposed to look or feel for.

“I think it’s gone,” Xander finally said.

Thank goodness, Willow thought. She didn’t think she could stay still a minute longer without knowing why she was standing still for. “I need you to take a look at the lights,” she told him.

Xander looked around the room as if noticing for the first time that they were standing in darkness. “Why is the lights out?”

Willow shrugged, “Not sure. Can you take a look at the fuse box and check it out?”

Xander ran his hand through his dark hair; his eyes were still wide and had the spooked look in them. “Yeah, sure. The fuse box is outside. I’ll take a look.”

Xander snatched his tool belt from on top of one of the boxes and headed out of the room with Willow following close behind.

Buffy, Dawn and Andrew were milling around the living room, looking clueless – except for Buffy who looked like she wanted to hit something. “Can you get the lights up?” she asked Xander as soon as he entered the living room. He nodded and strode towards the front door, flicking his flashlight on along the way.

“It won’t take that long,” Willow said with a smile, hoping to ease some tension in the room.

“How did the lights go out anyway?” Dawn asked. “There was no storm or anything.”

Andrew shrugged. “Maybe the apartment's old.”

Willow shrugged as well. “Maybe.”

“Well, I hope the lights come out soon. I have lived in Sunnydale long enough to know what can go on without lights on and I’m starting to feel jittery.”

At that moment, Xander reappeared into the apartment, slipping his flashlight back into his tool belt. “I can’t find what the problem is – everything looks ok. I have to call the Supervisor on this.” A amuse smile fleeted across his face. “Anybody knows how to speak Italian?”

“I do!” Andrew said, excitedly, waving his hand and bouncing on his feet. “I’ve learnt a few phrases. I’m sure able to tell the Super that we don’t have lights.”

“How long will it take to get the lights up?” Buffy asked, blatantly ignoring Andrew’s excited gestures.

“As fast as the Super understands Andrew’s Italian, I guess.”

Buffy sighed. “Ok. We’ll wait here then.”

Xander nodded as he and Andrew started making their way towards the front door. “And keep the doors lock. Most probably the alarms out as well and we don’t want any burglars coming in to burgle. Seeing how most of our stuff is in boxes, taking things from us will be much easier for them.”

Loud pounding on the front door caused an alarm to go through the whole gang. Andrew let out another scream and latched onto Xander’s arm. Xander, who was nearer to the door, shook Andrew off and opened the door.

A frazzled and a troubled looking Italian man stood outside. Sweat plastered his dark hair to his forehead and he was panting slightly. His worried gaze landed on Xander first, who blinked in surprise. Then the good looking man’s gaze swept the apartment before setting down on Buffy. “Signora Summers.”

“Antonio, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked surprised. She also looked please to see him.

“It’s Tessa,” he replied. “She has disappeared.”

#########################################
more later...

[shred]

This was not what Buffy wanted.

Having one of the slayers missing and having her worried boyfriend to come seeking for help when her apartment was in complete darkness was certainly not what she wanted.

It was certainly also something she didn’t need either.

So when Antonio came to her door, looking like he had just ran all over Italy – but still look amazingly good – and looking like his puppy had just died, Buffy had to do a lot to keep herself from crying out in anguish and ask the gods or whoever that was against her to leave her alone.

She was hoping to solve the darkness issue as soon as possible and hit the sack before anything could happen to make this night any more exciting. She certainly had many exciting nights back in Sunnydale and she certainly didn’t come to Italy for another round of more nights of vampire slaying and people finding.

But from the look on Antonio’s face, Buffy didn’t think she would be hitting the sack any time soon.

Trying her best to look as equally worried as Antonio, she approached him and led him further into the apartment. There weren’t any chairs around so they ended up standing in the middle of the living with the rest surrounding them. After a round of introductions, she asked, “Tell me what happened.”

“Tessa is missing,” he replied. “She hasn’t come home yet and I’m worried.”

“Maybe she went out for a while – sightseeing maybe?”

“No, no, no,” Antonio was shaking his head so hard that Buffy was afraid he would shake it loose. “She wouldn’t go out without telling me. She would at least call me but she didn’t. I went to all the places she would go but I can’t find her.”

“When do you think she left?”

Antonio rubbed his temple, as if to rub the memory out into the open from the inner depths of his brain. “I think about an hour after you both left. After you left, she became hysterical. She kept telling me how her life is over. I tried very hard to calm her down but I couldn’t. Then I went out a little while and when I came back she was gone.”

Antonio’s eyes dug into Buffy’s. “You must help me find her. I’m very scared of what she might do.”

No one said anything as Buffy contemplated his request. The old Buffy – the I’m-the-slayer Buffy – would have said yes without much hesitation and would be marching right out of the door with the gang in tow, already formulating a plan. But right now, she didn’t felt much like the old Buffy.

“So what do you say Buffy?” Xander asked, breaking the silence. “He sounds pretty desperate.”

“I am,” Antonia spoke up. “I don’t know what to do.” He came up to her and took her hands in his. Despite the situation, Buffy couldn’t help feeling a warm, fuzzy feeling creeping up from her hands and spreading all over her body. “You are the only one who can help. You say you are a slayer – that means you have special powers, no?”

“I –”

“Please,” he begged, his jet eyes taking on a puppy dog look that Buffy couldn’t say no to.

“Yeah sure, I’ll help you,” Buffy finally replied.

Antonio broke into a smile – a first smile she had seen since he came. “Grazie, Signora. Grazie.”

Buffy dropped his hands, shifting to her old self with much reluctance, a plan already being put together in her mind. “We’ll split up in groups. Do you have a car with you?” she asked Antonio, who nodded his reply. “Ok, then I’ll go with Antonio and check out the places Tessa usually goes. Xander, take your car and go to places Tessa wouldn’t go – and take Willow with you.”

“What about us?” Dawn asked, referring to Andrew and her. “We can help.”

Antonio smiled his appreciation.

“We’ll take you to the house and wait there till Tessa shows herself. As soon as she enters the house, gives us a call.” She looked around the room. “We all got our cells? Good. Let’s go.”

The troop headed towards the door without a moments hesitation. Xander grabbed Buffy’s arm as she brushed past him. “How long do you want us to do this search and rescue?”

Buffy knew what he meant. He too was skeptical that Tessa was really missing. “A couple of hours maybe? It’s dark so we can’t do much. We’ll just drive around a bit – just to give him a peace of mind.”

“Will do,” he nodded. He took off his tool belt and dumped it on top of one of the boxes before leaving the room. Buffy followed shortly after.

“She’s at the cemetery,” a voice called out from behind. The voice stopped her in mid-step – she was only halfway out of the apartment, ready to close the door behind her. “You’ll find her there.”

Buffy glanced over her shoulder. “How do you know?” she asked him. He was leaning casually against one corner, arms folded across his chest; his expression is that of boredom.

He shrugged. “I got my sources.”

“Is this the same source who said that Giles was evil?” she couldn’t help but ask, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

His expression darkened. “No, but they are reliable. Just go to the cemetery before it’s too late.”

“What’s she doing in a cemetery?”

He shrugged again, a hint of a smile on his lips. “I don’t have all the answers, love – just a few.”

“As long as you have answers,” she said softly.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing,” she said over her shoulder. “I have to go now. I’ll see you later.”

“Be careful!” he called out before she shut the door.

Don’t worry, she replied silently. It’s not like I haven’t been not careful before. It’s part of being a slayer. But as she walked down the stairs of the apartment and towards Antonio’s waiting car, she didn’t feel as confident as she sounded in her head.

She hoped she still remembered what it was like to be a slayer.

#########################################
~LATER~

“I must thank you once again, Signora Summers, for helping me. I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t.”

Twenty minutes earlier, Antonio had dropped Dawn and Andrew at his place. Now, they were cruising down a neighborhood a few blocks away from his, hoping to spot a sign that Tessa was around. So far, no such luck.

“My pleasure,” Buffy replied as she gazed out of the passenger side window, her eyes taking in every detail that whipped by like she was trained to do.

“Is this what you do everyday?” Antonio asked.

Buffy looked at his profile and frowned. “What do you mean?”

His eyes flickered towards her for a moment before going back to the road. “You say you’re a slayer, no? Is this what a slayer do?”

“I guess you can say that. But instead of looking for people, we look for vampires or demons.”

“And your friends help you as well?”

“Yeah, they do. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them.”

“At least you are not alone in this, no?”

“No, I’m not. But it sure feels that way.” Before Antonio could say anything else, she pointed to a turning. “Turn here.”

Antonio did what she said but asked, “Why? This leads us to the cemetery. I don’t think Tessa would be there.”

“Call it a slayer’s intuition but I think she’s there.”

“Of course.”

There was silence as they drove down a dark street that led towards the cemetery. They were driving on a dirt road now and there weren’t any streetlights lighting up their path. The car’s strong headlights were the only source of light that provided the necessary lighting. On either side of the road were vast acres of grass. Not one house was in sight. It was only the two of them as far as Buffy could see.

“Do you like it?” Antonio asked suddenly shattering the silence. “Being a slayer – do you like it?”

Buffy barked out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t have a choice. I had to like it. There wasn’t anything I could do.” She frowned at what she had just said. Why was she talking in the past tense? Isn't she still a slayer? Why was she talking like she has just retired?

“You could always say no,” Antonio pointed out before her mind got a chance to answer her questions.

“I could but then who would take over me? Who would keep the people safe?”

“Yes, you’re right. I don’t think I would have been as brave and responsible as you are. I hope Tessa would be like that. Tessa’s not someone who cares for people, you know. I don’t know whether she can do this slayer thing well.”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” Buffy said.

“Will she be punished if she doesn’t do this?”

“No – I don’t think so. Honestly, I don’t know what would happen if she turned her back on this gig. It’ll bug her for the rest of her life, I guess, and that’s hell enough.”

He chuckled. “Yes, you’re right. But it’s hard to say with Tessa. I don’t think she has a conscious.” He laughed again to show that he was joking.”

Buffy smiled. “You seem to know her really well. How long have you been together?”

“Oh very long! Seems like forever.”

Buffy winced. “That bad huh?”

“Oh no, no. I didn’t mean it that way. Tessa’s a lovely girl. I love her with all my heart.”

“But…” Buffy prodded.

Antonio looked at her and tossed her a smile. “But I don’t think I’m in love with her.”

“Ah. The “I-love-her-but-I’m-not-in-love-with-her” scenario. Been there done that.”

“So you understand?”

Buffy nodded. “More than you know, my friend.”

“Good. Not everybody I know understands. They always ask me why I’m still with her when I tell them. I’m tired of explaining.”

Buffy couldn’t help but ask, “Why are you with her?”

Antonio smirked as he trained his eyes on the road before him. The car wobbled dangerously as the tires went over uneven path. “It’s difficult to explain. Tessa needs me. I’m the only one who understands her – who can control her.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you mean by ‘control her’?”

Antonio didn’t answer her. Instead he nodded ahead, making Buffy to peer out of the windshield and into the darkness. The powerful beams of the headlights lighted up only a few meters ahead but, nevertheless, she was able to make out a tall wall with two tall, grill gates mounted in it in front of her. A sign, which had some Italian writings on it, hung on the gate, flapping slightly in the gentle breeze.

Beyond the gates, Buffy could make out silhouettes of small stone structures jutting out from the ground. Seven years of experience make her fathomed that the edifices rooted in the ground were tombstones.

“You are right,” Antonio started. “She is here.” He pointed somewhere to their left. Buffy could distinguish a vague outline of someone’s car. “Her car.”

“We better find her fast. I doubt she’s here to pay her respects.” Buffy unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Antonio speaking quickly into his cell phone – probably alerting the others about where Tessa was. He got out of the car after he was done and followed her towards the gate.

The gates were about three meters tall and were locked tight. She could easily scale the gate and get to the other side but she doubt Antonio had that ability even though he may look fit. So instead she rattled the gates, testing out how strong the lock was. Satisfied that it wouldn’t need much force to break it, she stood back and aimed a sharp kick at the lock. The force of her kick cause the gates to smash open, the lock ripping out.

Antonio looked at her, impressed. He extended his arm. “After you, Signora.”

Buffy couldn’t help but grin at his chivalry. She did all she could to stop herself from doing a little curtsy.

Antonio must have kept a flashlight in his car because as they walked further into the shady cemetery, he flicked it on and allowed the beam to light up their way. Buffy was grateful for the luminosity as the place was surrounded by tall, lush trees which blocked any moonlight from coming through.

As the two of them walked further into the cemetery, Buffy was made aware of how similar the graveyard was to the ones in Sunnydale. Rows and rows of tombstone lined up neatly on the ground with standard craving on them. Most of the headstones were similar in shape and size. Only a handful was more elaborate and bigger than the standard ones.

“Do you see her?” Antonio asked, his voice soft.

Buffy shook her head as she scanned her surroundings. “She has to be here somewhere. I don’t think she would have left without her car.”

Antonio nodded and he continued sweeping the flashlight around them. Buffy heard the sound of movement somewhere behind them and she froze. Antonio looked at her, puzzled. “What is –”

Buffy raised her hand, cutting him off in mid sentence. She strained her ears to hear for the sound again but all she heard was the rustling of leaves in the soft breeze. Was that what she heard before? Did she mistake the sound of leaves as someone’s footstep? No, she couldn’t have. She would have known the difference. It wasn’t that long that she was out of commission as the slayer so it wouldn’t be this soon that she would forget everything she had learnt.

She stayed unmoving for a little longer, hoping to catch the sound of footsteps again. Antonio was staring intently at her, a skeptical expression on his face; as if he thinks she was just putting on a show. Let him think what he wants. I know what I’m doing.

A few seconds later, Antonio shook his head and opened his mouth to speak. That was when the first vampire struck.

It jumped Antonio from behind, bringing him to the ground. Buffy snapped out of her immobile state and went after the tall, lanky vampire. He looked like he just came out from his grave. Dirt clung onto his dark suit and hair and she could see how bloody and dirty his fingers were; prove that he just recently dug himself out of his own grave.

She pulled the vampire off of Antonio and threw him over her shoulder. The vampire jumped to his feet as quickly as he went down. Buffy dropped into a fighting stance and waited for it to come at her.

She heard Antonio climbing to his feet behind her, cursing in Italian under his breath. “Go back to the car!” she hollered over her shoulder.

“Eh?”

“Go back – Oh!” She didn’t see the vampire rushing towards her and she wanted to kick herself for that. The two of them tumbled to the ground. Buffy rolled and managed to get on top of the vampire, straddling it. She grabbed its hands and pinned it above its head. She tightened her thighs around it waist, making it immobile.

“Get me a stake,” she yelled at Antonio.

“A what?”

“A stake. Something long, wooden and pointy.”

“Si! Si!”

The vampire was struggling violently beneath her and Buffy didn’t think she could hold onto him much longer. The vampire was snarling, bearing its teeth and bellowing at her in Italian. Then without warning, the vampire head butted her. The low rigid brow of the vampire hit her smooth forehead and a variety of stars and colors exploded behind her eyes.

Buffy grunted in pain and her grip on the vampire loosened just a little. The vampire took this opportunity and threw her off him. She landed on her back, the wind knocked out of her, still reeling from the head butt.

Clearly this wasn’t going well. A newbie Italian vampire was gaining an upper hand which was ridiculous because things like this never happen. Ok, so it happened once before and she got stabbed with her own stake as the result of it but she had learnt her lesson. She knows how to take down a newbie vampire.

Buffy stayed on the ground, trying desperately to catch her breath. The Italian vampire loomed over her and sneered. He said something in Italian and Buffy knew what he said had to be along the lines of “You’re dead, bitch!”

She waited for him to come nearer, to come for her exposed neck and once he did, she aimed a sharp kick to his jaw, snapping his head back. The force wasn’t powerful enough to break his neck but it was enough to break his jaw and make him stumble back.

He wouldn’t be talking to her in a foreign language at the moment.

Buffy leaped to her feet and gave him a roundhouse kick to his chest. A few ribs broke upon impact. She continued to go after him, putting him under a barrage of kicks and punches. The vampire was unrecognizable when he went to the ground unconscious.

Making sure the vampire wasn’t going to wake up soon, she looked around for the missing Antonio.

“Finally! A vampire!”

Buffy whirled around, startled by the new voice. Tessa stood before her all deck out in black. Her long black coat flapped at her ankles like some sort of a cloak. She reminded Buffy of that girl – Trinity was it? – in The Matrix. A grin spread across the girl’s pretty features as she eyed the unconscious vampire.

“Gees, Tessa! Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you.”

Tessa shot her a look as if she couldn’t believe that Buffy would ask her such a question – as if she couldn’t believe Buffy didn’t know the answer. “I was looking for vampires of course. You said it yourself – I’m a slayer.”

Buffy blinked in surprise. One minute Tessa was complaining on how her life is over and now she accepted being a slayer and is out hunting? She didn’t think a person like her would do a complete one eighty. There was something else going on here. Buffy nodded towards the stake Tessa was holding in her right hand. “Hand me that stake and we’ll talk ok?”

“Buffy!”

The warning in Willow’s voice was evident and Buffy ducked as soon as she heard it. A leg whizzed above her head where it originally was a second ago. Without getting up, Buffy swept an outstretched leg behind her. Her leg caught the attacker’s, sweeping it from under him. The vampire fell to the ground with a grunt. Buffy got up and face the fallen vampire. This time the vampire was a lady, a teenager. Behind her stood three more – two men and another girl. All around the same age as the first female vampire. All three didn’t look particularly happy. More like hungry.

Beyond the vampires, Buffy spotted Willow and Xander running towards them. The vampires didn’t wait for the two to join the party to attack. Not that Buffy expected them to. The three came at her at once and Buffy had to do all she could to stay out of their reach. Letting one vampire gaining the upper hand was bad enough, letting three? That spelt death for her.

By the time Willow and Xander reached her, Buffy had already taken out the female and was now dealing with the two remaining vampires. The first female who went down was already up and about and was approaching Willow and Xander menacingly.

“Tessa! Stake! Now!” Buffy reached behind her, hoping the Italian girl would do what she said.

“No! I’m the slayer. I will kill it!”

Buffy shot Tessa her fiercest glare over her shoulder. “Stake! Now!” Buffy turned back to the vampires and block its incoming punch with her other hand. “Come on, Tessa!”

She felt something being pressed into her palm and Buffy curled her fingers around the object. She grinned as the familiarity of the stake washed over her. The heft, the grainy texture, all of it made her remember all the times she spent in the cemetery dusting vampires and keeping the citizens of Sunnydale safe.

But something made this whole thing somewhat different and Buffy couldn’t figure out what.

Buffy rushed the male vampire on her right. A couple of punches to the face and Buffy staked him. At least I didn’t mess that up, Buffy thought as she turned to the second vampire. Repeating what she just did to the first on, the second too become dust in the wind. Willow and Xander had already taken care of the female vampire so there was only left. The last vampire was dust without much of a struggle.

“Where’s Tessa?” Xander asked as soon as the last vampire was out of sight.

Buffy looked around, frowning. “She was here with me before the vamps attacked. She couldn’t have gotten that far.”

“And the boyfriend?”

Willow grabbed Xander’s arm and pointed. “Over there. Do you see it?”

Buffy turned towards where Willow was pointing to and managed to catch a glimpse of someone running out of the cemetery. “I think it’s Tessa. We better get to her before we lose her again.”

The three of them didn’t wait for another second as they started running towards the other end of the cemetery.

“What about the boyfriend?” Xander asked as he fell into step with Buffy.

“He has the cell phone. We’ll call him as soon as we get her,” Buffy replied. Tessa was already out of the gates and Buffy poured on more speed, afraid that the Italian girl would get into her car and make a run for it. No way was she going to lose her.

As they ran, Buffy kept an eye out for any more vampires that might jump them. However, the place was dark and Buffy didn’t have the flashlight with her. The only thing she could see was trees and rows of tombstones, their stark whiteness glowing like beacons in the night.

When they got out of the cemetery, they saw Tessa tackling someone – a man – into the ground. “Damn,” Buffy muttered when she recognized who the man was. It was the vampire who first attacked Antonio and her. She had knocked the vampire out and forgotten all about him.

And now, here he was being attacked by a Trinity wannabe.

“What is she doing?” Xander asked as he huffed and puffed beside her.

“She’s trying to play hero.”

“That girl’s nuts,” Xander murmured.

“I think she is.”

Then what Tessa did next made the three of them to stop in their tracks. The Italian slayer pulled out a gun from the depths of her coat and pointed at the vampire, who was sprawled on the ground.

“Holy shit,” Xander uttered.

“That does not look good,” Willow added.

Buffy didn’t have to be told twice. She knew using a gun to try to kill a vampire was as useless as using a toothpick to kill a human being. Sure it would hurt a lot but that would only anger the creature even more. And the only weapon that Tessa had that would kill a vampire was with Buffy.

Two shots were fired and the vampire jerked violently as the bullets hit his face. The damage Buffy did to his face earlier was now doubled, maybe tripled, as the bullets ripped through flesh and bones. Tessa laughed as she fired more shots into the vampire.

Then there was silence.

Before anybody could move, Tessa turned the barrel of the gun towards her chest. Buffy’s mind screamed for her to do something, anything, but all she could do was to watch Tessa in horror.

Then, as if someone had pressed the slow button on the tape recorder, everything around Buffy moved in slow motion.

“No!” She heard Willow scream, her voice sounding low and drag-y. Xander started running towards Tessa, he too screaming. But he was running to slow. Buffy knew he wouldn't be able to stop Tessa in time.

Buffy watched as Tessa turned towards the two Americans and gave them a smile. Without another word, she shot herself.

#########################################

[shred]

~ANTONIO/TESSA’S HOUSE~

Dawn and Andrew sat silently side by side in the living room of Antonio’s house, staring at the dark screen of the television. They spent an hour trying to find the remote control to the television and another half an hour trying to switch the television on without the remote. They weren't able to for some reason and they finally gave up, preferring to sit on the couch doing without any entertainment.

Now the lack of entertainment was taking a toll on Dawn. She was starting to feel bored and she could tell Andrew was too as well. He was starting to hum the theme song to Star Wars.

“I’m bored,” Dawn announced, stating the obvious.

Andrew stopped his humming long enough to answer her. “Me too.” He turned towards her. “You want to try the TV again?”

Dawn shook her head. “It’s just going to make me more bored.”

“Well, we could explore the house – see whether they have anything interesting around here.”

Dawn thought about it but the idea didn’t exactly appeal to her. “No,” she replied when she realized that Andrew was waiting for an answer from her. “I don’t feel like it.”

“You know what I miss,” Andrew said suddenly after a moment of silence.

Dawn shifted and raised an eyebrow questioningly at him.

“The slaying. I miss going slaying every night. It’s sure much more exciting than sitting here.”

“It’s much more dangerous too.”

“I know, but don’t you like the thrill of it – the thrill of knowing that you may have at least an 80% chance of not surviving through the night?”

“That’s not a thrill – that’s panic,” Dawn quipped.

“I miss that,” he continued, “I wish we were back in Sunnydale.”

“Not me,” Dawn said, shaking her head. “I like it here.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s peaceful here, you know? And there’s like tons of cute guys around – much cuter than the guys in Sunnydale anyway.”

“Like Antonio for example,” Andrew pointed out.

“Yeah and we don’t have to deal with demons or vampires or –”

“But doesn’t that make life more exciting?” Andrew asked, not letting her to finish.

Dawn shot him an amused look and retorted, “No, that just makes life more precious.” She shook her head and laughed at Andrew’s hurt expression. “Sorry, I guess I’m sick of trying to survive every time. I just want to live a life without the need to go through an apocalypse every other week, you know what I mean?”

“I guess.” Andrew folded his arms across his chest and sighed. “But look at us. I didn’t sign up for this. I should have stayed in England and help Giles out. I bet he’s having a better time than us.”

“Maybe. But you could always go back to England and become a Watcher or something.”

Andrew looked at her in surprise. “I could do that?”

Dawn shrugged. “I don’t see why not. They are rebuilding the Watcher’s Council so I assume they need Watchers and since you have a pretty good knowledge on evil, I don’t see why you can’t be a Watcher. You’ll certainly get back into the slaying scene.”

Andrew chewed on his lip as he thought about what she just said. “You got a good point there, my friend,” Andrew said slowly with a mock British accent. “It’s a very interesting idea.”

“Well, whatever it is, we can’t do anything at the moment. We need to wait till everything’s over before we can decide what to do with the rest of our lives. And I’m not talking about the whole missing slayer moment.”

“You’re right,” Andrew sighed again. “Did he say how long this would take?”

Dawn raked her brain for an answer but she didn’t have any recollection whether they were told when this would end. “No, I don’t think he did.”

Andrew groaned. “So what do we do now?”

“Don’t know. Wait for Buffy’s call I guess.”

“Well that sucks.”

Dawn didn’t reply. She slouched further into the couch. Her eyes started to wander around the living room and for the first time since they came in, she took note of her surroundings.

The place was actually really nice. Much better than she expected seeing how the occupants were as old as Buffy – and Buffy could be a pig sometimes so seeing a place as tidy as this was certainly a pleasant surprise.

“I think I’m going to get something to eat.”

Dawn looked at him, condescendingly. “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna raid their kitchen.”

“But I’m hungry,” Andrew whined.

“Well, you can’t raid their kitchen. It’s rude!”

“But they won’t know it’s us. I’ll just take things that they won’t miss. You know – a sip of coke here, a little nibble of bread there – that sought of thing.”

Dawn’s face screwed up into an expression of disgust. “What are you – a rat?”

Andrew folder his arms across his chest and huffed. “No.” Then he brightened. “But wouldn’t it cool if I could be. I could be scampering around, trying to find food – running into my little rat hole and –”

“Andrew!”

“What?”

“Shut up!”

#########################################
~CEMETERY~

No. No. No, no, no. NO!

Buffy didn’t know what good it would do but her brain kept on chanting nonetheless. Whether chanting would make the situation more like a dream or whether it would give her something to do rather than stand rooted to the ground, she didn’t know. But her brain kept on chanting anyway.

Then she snapped. Maybe it was because her brain ran out of fuel or maybe she got back her senses back but whatever it was, she finally got her body to move.

Now she was flying down the dirt road towards the fallen slayer, her legs pumping, eating up distant. Willow and Xander was already kneeling beside her, trying their very best to do what they can to save Tessa. In the back of Buffy’s mind, she knew they were too late.

Slayer or not, a bullet to the heart would kill.

Buffy skidded to a halt and was on her knees a moment later. Thick, dark, red blood was pouring out of the inflicted wound and Tessa looked as deathly pale as the vampire she had just dust. She eyes were wide open, gazing at the dark sky above them. Her eyes were empty and unseeing.

Buffy shrugged off her jacket and pressed it against the wound, trying her hardest to stop the blood from flowing out and pooling on the ground around the Italian girl. “Call the ambulance!” Buffy screamed. “The cell phone’s in the car!”

“On it!” came Xander’s reply. She didn’t see him run off but she could hear him thundering away. “Willow! Find Antonio!” The Wiccan didn’t reply but Buffy knew her well enough that Willow was doing what she asked.

Tessa’s eyes fluttered close but soon opened again two seconds later. Relief flooded through her. She’s fine; she’s going to make it. Buffy produced a comforting smile. “Hey. Just…just hang in there ok? You’re going to be fine.”

Tessa didn’t respond and Buffy didn’t expect her too. She had been in this similar situation before and she could imagine how Tessa felt – and speaking wasn’t exactly a good idea with a bullet lodged in your ribs. “Everything’s going to be ok. Just hang in there.”

Tessa’s gaze flickered towards Buffy and a hint of a smile tugged at her blue lips. “Grazie,” Tessa managed to whisper. “Grazie.”

“No! No, no, don’t say that! Don’t thank me yet. Not yet. Not until you’re in hospital with that bullet out of you. You understand me?” Buffy was panicking. She could hear the clear panic in her voice. Her mind was reeling a mile a minute and her heart was pounding in her chest. She was in panic mode. Big time.

“Xander! Where the hell is the ambulance?” Tessa’s eyes drifted close again and this time they didn’t open. “Xander!” Buffy increased the pressure on the wound and through the fabric she could not feel Tessa’s chest rising anymore. She leaned forward and pressed her ear against Tessa’s chest. All she could hear was a very faint, fading heartbeat. So faint that it took Buffy a moment to able to hear it.

Now Buffy was way past panic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Xander sped towards Antonio’s car, all he could think about was Tessa shooting herself and crumpling to the ground a second later. There was blood – lots of it. He even got some on his shirt and hands. Nothing unusual really. This wasn’t the first time he had blood on him. He even had Buffy’s blood on him at one time so this shouldn’t have scared him. But somehow it did. Somehow this was different. Somehow this affected him more than it should.

The car was unlocked and Xander was utterly grateful for the Italian man’s carelessness. But when Xander flung open the door and the car’s overhead light went on, Xander knew that it wasn’t Antonio’s carelessness that left the door unlock.

Antonio was sprawled across the driver’s seat, out cold. There was an ugly bruise on his forehead and his lower lip was split open, dried blood caked at the corner of his mouth. Xander grabbed Antonio’s arms and carefully dragged the knocked out man out of his car. He gently placed Antonio on the ground and lightly slapped his cheek.

“Hey, man, snap out of it. Your girl needs you.” As he tried to rouse Antonio, Xander’s eyes roamed the interior of the car, hoping to catch a glimpse of Buffy’s cell phone. Antonio groaned, snatching Xander’s attention. His head lolled to one side, inflicting another groan. Xander eased Antonio to a sitting position. “That’s it, that’s it. Come on, rise and shine, buddy.”

“Xander! Where the hell is the ambulance?”

Xander knew he was running out of time – fast.

Finally, Antonio was able to open his eyes. Xander pulled him to his feet, patting him down, searching for the missing cell phone. “Hey, Tony, where’s the cell?” Antonio looked at him groggily. “Cell. Phone. Where. Is. It?” Xander asked again more slowly and pronounced. Does this guy even understand me? Or did he get his whole English vocabulary knocked out from his brain? “Look, your girl? Tessa? She’s hurt. We need the cell phone to call the ambulance. Can you do that?”

Recognition filled Antonio’s dark eyes and Xander guessed that he was finally getting it. “Tessa?”

Xander nodded. Antonio’s back was facing towards Tessa and Buffy so he doesn’t exactly know how serious the situation was. And Xander wanted to leave it that way. He didn’t want Antonio to panic just yet – not until he has gotten the cell phone. “She’s hurt – need the cell phone now.”

“Si. Si,” Antonio said. He reached into his pocket of his jeans and pulled out the cell phone. It certainly was a sight for sore eyes for Xander. He grabbed the phone, flipped it open and started to dial. That was when he realized that he wasn’t in US anymore and the number to call the ambulance wasn’t 911. Damn! He didn’t know the local number either.

“Xander!”

He shoved the phone towards Antonio. “Call the ambulance!”

“Polizia?”

“Yes! Yes! Finally you’re getting it. Now do it! Call the damn Polizia.”

Antonio started to dial the number for the police agonizingly slow. Xander had to do everything in his power to prevent himself from slugging the Italian. Antonio handed the phone to him and he took it without a moment hesitation. With the phone glued to his ear, he ran back towards Buffy, Willow and the dying Tessa. He didn’t care about Antonio anymore. He was too out of it to really register the seriousness of the situation.

Buffy was doing CPR while Willow stood over her with her eyes closed and her forehead furrowed in concentration. He hoped that Willow as indeed doing what he thought she was doing – trying to heal Tessa with magicks.

“I found Antonio unconscious in his car. Not sure what happened but he’s up and about now.” He glanced over his shoulder and spotted Antonio sitting on the ground, head in his hands. “He doesn’t know what’s happening.”

“Keep it that way,” Willow replied, surprising him. I thought you needed full attention for this kind of things? “I’m using some of his essence and power to heal her. I can’t let him to start panicking, it won’t work that way.” No wonder Antonio acted like a two-year-old who didn’t understand any English. He was going through some of Willow’s mojo.

A female voice blared into his ear in Italian, alarming him. Oh yeah, the police. “I need you to send me an ambulance to the cemetery right now,” Xander said right after the female stopped talking. He didn’t understand what she said when she picked up but he guessed it went something like “Italian P.D. What’s your emergency?” “A girl’s been shot,” he continued. “You understand me?”

The girl said something foreign that sounded a lot like what she had said earlier and Xander let out a cry of frustration. This is not happening! “Girl, dying, need ambulance! Understand?” But it was no use. The girl on the other end repeated her sentence, sounding very irritated. So Xander snapped the phone shut and tossed it away, wanting to be as far away from the foul object as possible.

“She’s not going to die,” he heard Buffy say. “I won’t let her die.”

Xander looked down towards Buffy and noticed that she wasn’t doing CPR on Tessa anymore. She was instead talking to someone. Someone who Xander couldn't see but apparently Buffy could. He glanced over to Willow wondered whether she too noticed this weird behavior and that he wasn’t the only who thought that this was weird. But Willow still had her eyes closed; she was still trying to save Tessa.

“Buffy?” he called out, hoping to distract her out of whatever funk she was in. Buffy snapped her head towards him. “She ok?” he asked nodding towards Tessa. It was a stupid question to ask, he knew, but what was he suppose to say to get her attention? “Who are you talking to”? “Is she dead yet?” He cleared his throat and tried again. “Is she…?”

Buffy lowered her head, unshed tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Yeah,” she replied softly. Xander looked over towards Willow and noticed that his redhead friend was looking at him sadly.

“Antonio was too weak,” Willow explained. “I couldn’t…I’m sorry.” Her voice caught in her throat and Xander rushed towards her, wrapping a comforting arm around her and pulling her close to his chest.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “At least you tried.” The two of them focus on Buffy who was holding onto Tessa’s limp hand, stroking it.

Behind them, they heard Antonio’s gut wrenching sob shattering through the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This wasn’t the first time someone died in her arms. There was Angel, whom Buffy stabbed to save the world. Then there was Faith. She plunged to her death right before Buffy’s eyes and even though she didn’t exactly die but she came awfully close (though Buffy wished she did die after what Faith did to her and her friends).

So this shouldn’t affect her, shouldn’t hurt her, shouldn’t panic her but it did. It did affect her and it did hurt her and she’s way past panic, on the very verge of becoming hysterical.

And then he appeared.

He knelt down besides Tessa’s head. His fingers hovered over her jet black hair, not quite touching. He looked like he was comforting her as he muttered under his breath, a sad smile on his lips.

He looked up at her, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. “She’s gone, pet. Sorry.”

“She’s not going to die. I won’t let her die.”

“Don’t beat yourself over it. There’s nothing you could do.”

But there was something she could have done. She shouldn’t have told Tessa in the first place that she was slayer. They should have done some sort of spell thingy to see how well she could take the news. Her eyes landed on Tessa’s face. She looked peaceful, like she was happy wherever it is that she was. For all Buffy knew, Tessa was unhappy with her live and was looking for an excuse to end it.

Buffy could have just done Tessa a favor.

Was that why she thanked me earlier?

“Buffy?”

Buffy looked up and saw Xander gazing down at her quizzically.

“She ok? Is she –?”

Buffy looked away. She wished she could say that Tessa wasn’t dead. That he was wrong. “Yeah.”

Willow said something but the words didn’t quite register with Buffy. Her eyes went back to the man kneeling at Tessa’s head, his hand now clasped on his knee, his eyes studying her. A small, soft smile appeared – the same smile that he gave to Tessa. He looked like he was comforting Buffy this time round.

“She won’t be the last,” he whispered. “She’s just the beginning.”

#########################################
~THREE DAYS LATER~
~morning~

Since the night of Tessa’s untimely suicide, the group had been down and quiet. Antonio was surprising strong throughout the whole ordeal. Though he broke down crying that night, he hadn’t shown a shed of emotion through the days following his girlfriend death. At the funeral yesterday, he managed to stay strong, playing a perfect host.

However, he didn’t speak a word to Buffy and the rest and Xander couldn’t blame him. If he was in Antonio shoes, Xander would be blaming the Americans for his girlfriend’s death as well. Antonio kept his distant, only giving them a polite nod or a smile. Other than that, he kept his distant.

It has been three days since and the apartment where Xander, Buffy, Willow and the rest was quiet as they went about doing their chores. The five of them had hardly spoken to each other and Xander was starting to get worried. Usually when the gang experienced a death, they would be talking and bonding over it, not drifting them apart. He hoped things would get back to normal soon – as normal as the things were when they came to Italy.

The apartment was slowly starting to fill up with furniture and necessary utensils and the boxes they brought with them were starting to disappear. The place was starting to look a lot like an apartment as Xander screwed in the last screw into the cupboard that he was fixing up in his and Andrew’s room. He shut the cupboard’s door and stood back, admiring this handy work.

The cupboard was salvaged from the alley between their apartment block and the next. It was about six feet high and with three different compartments. The door had been hanging off its hinges and the majority of the paint was peeling off. After painting the cupboard dark brown, he started fixing up the door.

It took him an hour and a half to do up the cupboard to make it look as good as new and as he surveyed his hard work, a proud grin crept across his features. Even with half a sight, he was still acknowledged the fact that the cupboard looked really good.

He set the screwdriver down next to his hammer and started wiping grim off his hands with a rag that he had with him. He tossed the rag aside and sat down on his mattress. There was still a lot to do in the room and in the apartment.

He leaned back and lay on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. He frowned when he realized that there were a few cracks showing, wondering why he never noticed them before. I should plaster that and check around the place whether there are anymore. Buffy’s room probably –

“You’ve done a good job with this place,” someone said from the door.

Xander smiled at the ceiling. He certainly have. “Thanks.”

He bolted upright when he realized that the voice didn’t belong to Buffy or Willow or to any of the occupants in the apartment. There, leaning against the door frame in all her glory, was someone who was the last person Xander expected to see. His jaw hung open in shock. “What are you doing here?”

The newcomer shrugged as her eyes roamed around the room. “Thought I come by to see how you’re doing.”

Xander shakily got to his feet. He moved slowly towards his hammer, his eyes trained warily on her. “Well, I’m doing fine. What about you?” He didn’t expect the shake in his voice and he mentally smacked himself for that.

She smirked. “I’m fine. Fine as anyone in my position could be I guess.” Her gaze flickered to the hammer and he froze. Oh man, I’m dead. She’s going to kill me with some death ray or maybe burn me alive. He swallowed hard. His fingers itched to grab the hammer and start attacking her with it but he didn’t dare move. He stood still, breath caught in his throat.

“You can’t kill me, Xander,” she said.

“Yeah? And why not?” Because she is able to zap me before I can even say Mamma Mia!

“I’m not exactly real. I’m just real to you but no one else can see me.”

“Huh. Very interesting. So what do you want from me? We beat you once, we can beat you again, you know.”

She frowned then burst out laughing. “Xander! I’m not The First! The First is long gone.”

“And who are you then? Cause last time I checked, you were…,” he trailed off, not really sure why.

Her expression softened. “You can’t say it, can you?”

“Ok, if you’re not The First and you are not here to do some vengeance on me, then why are you here?” he asked wearily. It had been a rough couple of days and he didn’t think he had the energy to fight something that looked like…her.

“It’s where I belong.”

Xander blinked at her words, his posture relaxing. He wanted so badly to believe her but that small voice in the back of his mind kept telling him to take the hammer and run for it. But just thinking about making an escape made the exhaustion set heavier on his shoulders. He rather stay here and believe what she just said – that she came back because she belonged here, with him.

He pushed that pesky voice where it belonged – at the back of his mind.

Besides, she never exactly lied to him before. She always had the tendency to tell the truth whether it hurt or not. Unless death had robbed his ex-fiancée of that so-called talent, he couldn’t see himself attacking her with the hammer anytime soon.

~*~

[shred]

Feedback can be posted in this thread or in my feedback thread here.

Part 2 will be up soon.

Thanks for reading.