The Non-Wedding

[Beck]

Was Xander right to leave Anya at the alter on their wedding day?

I think that Xander should have called off the wedding a lot sooner. He'd been having his doubts for awhile and never said anything. And he definately should not have left Anya to explain it to everyone!!

[Deleted]

I agree that the wedding should have been stopped sooner. Neither one of them were in a position at that point to get married, and it wasn't fair to anyone to move ahead with the wedding as scheduled.

He definitely should not have left her that day, and I agree that he should have at least been there to support her in breaking the news to everyone else.

[Kana]

I don't think they should have got engaged. I don't think Xander thought it through at all. He wanted to give Anya tangible proof the relationship was going somewhere, but we need to grow ourselves as people before we can make that kind of commitment.

Love and fear are two of the most powerful emotions and Xander was feeling both almost equally.

[buffymanic]

Perhaps the best time to call it off would have been after the events of Once More With Feeling when all their real fears and feelings came out. I was a little dissapointed that none of the isses expressed in the song we're ever dealt with afterwards, well until Hells Bells anyway.

[Deleted]

buffymanic said:

Perhaps the best time to call it off would have been after the events of Once More With Feeling when all their real fears and feelings came out. I was a little dissapointed that none of the isses expressed in the song we're ever dealt with afterwards, well until Hells Bells anyway.

I agree, and actually posted something similar on BWF. I'm not sure they were ever made for marriage, but especially after OMWF they should have seriously rethought it.

[Paul]

buffymanic said:

Perhaps the best time to call it off would have been after the events of Once More With Feeling when all their real fears and feelings came out. I was a little dissapointed that none of the isses expressed in the song we're ever dealt with afterwards, well until Hells Bells anyway.

i also agree, this was the ideal time to call it off, it was just more painfull for the charactors but more entertaining for us to end it the way they did

[buffymanic]

umm I dunno if it was more entertaining, I really felt bad for Anya and didn't particulary enjoy watching Xander mope around. If it had of ended at OMWF they could still have done the whole vengence demon story which was the main storyline to come out of the split

[shred]

Xander was definitely right to stop the wedding but he's timing was sooo wrong.

Xander was a coward not to speak up earlier and tell Anya that he was ready for marriage. But given a choice, I would rather have Xander run out of the wedding at the very last minute than go through with the marriage and cause pain then.

[sosalola]

I think he's right to stop it, however, he handled it very, very, very, very badly. I think it really hit him after the visions. He was having doubts but was living in complete denial. After living through these visions, it hit him that he really can't go through with it.

But he shoud have stuck around, explained to the guests that there will be no wedding, stood by Anya's side. I think he realized that in S7.

[Brittany Bear]

He was right, but I think it was wrong how he handled it. Niether of them were ready to be married, especially Xander. He shouldn't have proposed IMO.

In Hells Bells, he should have stuck with Anya as mentioned above. He should have helped explain about there being no wedding and all.

[shred]

I never realised this before but I thought it was incredibly stupid of Xander to expect Anya to continue to date him after leaving her at the alter. When I watched that scene, I felt like slapping him. How can he be so oblivious?

And also, I think Anya should have been a little bit more understanding towards Xander, especially after the non-wedding. She has every right to be upset and angry with him but I think she could have cut him some slack after. I mean, she too had doubts about the marriage so I'm sure she had realised that Xander did the right thing.

[Beck]

Ah no way, I don't think Anya should have been more understanding. He should have expressed his doubts before the wedding, having them doesn't make what he did ok. Yes its better than marrying her when he wasn't ready to, but it was a horrible thing to do. And Anya did well forgiving him as soon as she did imo.

[Glenn]

Some poor bastard that your soon to be fiance had cursed is going to put anybody off She must have realised that her disgusting past would result in more than just comedic value eventually

[Shaun]

It wasn't Anya's past that made him call of the wedding, it was his fears of turning out like his father

[Glenn]

I think that was the main reason yeah, but you don't think that one of Anya's victims showing up helped matters at all?

[Shaun]

One of her victims showing up showed him his fears about hurting her. He knew what Anya had done, he'd come across things she had done before then. It was seeing himself as a drunk and Anya miserable that made his fears stronger and made him call off the wedding. Not what Anya had done.

[Forsaken]

First of all there is no question that the Xand-xand man handled it poorly.

Secondly, while I'm personally against marriage in general I'm going to have to say he made the wrong choice. Leading up to the wedding episode I was surprised at just how much Xander and Anya actually did love each other. When he first proposed (and later when he stalled announcing it) I didn't think he was ready but as the date drew close his concerns seemed more like wedding jitters then actual reservations. As for his implied/stated reasons for calling the wedding off I thought they were somewhat cowardly on his part. He rejected her because his parents marriage was crap? It really didn't seem like the two relationships were that much alike. Of all the Scooby gang I think Xander was clearly the most loyal, and oddly the most sensitive. His calling off the wedding boiled down to fear. Fear he couldn't treat Anya the way she deserved, fear he'd become like his parents, fear that he wasn't good enough for her. And instead of taking the chance and fight for both they're happiness he took the cowards route. It didn't help that the visions he saw just reinforced those fears but he should have believed in himself and his love for Anya. Of course in the end Xander is the most human of the characters.

[Allan]

Xander was well aware of Anya's past, and was able to move past it pretty easily, which is one of the things that made their relationship so strong. And the fact that Anya managed to forgive Xander, also cemented it for me.

He went about things the wrong way, and I think it was his insecurity which led him to do that.

[Amber]

Yeah, I agree. He definitely could have handled it better. Especially in the fact that he completely disappeared when he should have been there at the wedding. If you're not going to go through with it, at least have the nerve to tell the bride instead of running away like a coward.

[shred]

queenc said:

Yeah, I agree. He definitely could have handled it better. Especially in the fact that he completely disappeared when he should have been there at the wedding. If you're not going to go through with it, at least have the nerve to tell the bride instead of running away like a coward.

Well, technically, he did tell the bride...before running away like a coward.

He shouldn't have let Anya deal with the guests alone. That was unforgivable.